It Is Haiku Week
More is less as I succinctly (for once) write about new movies from Spielberg, Disney, another great turn from Jonathan Majors and a cannibal love story starring Timothée Chalamet.
“Huh. I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver’s fulla shit man.”
The quote could’ve been a bit of a giveaway, but I’m in Colorado for the holiday week/end. The town of Minturn to be exact. Ya know, for all my stalkers. 👀
With it being a time you’re a little less likely to be reading your devices (or the exact opposite?) I decided to yoink a thing from my past editions and write haikus to describe each movie. It’ll certainly be shorter, and who knows, maybe more informative? At the very least it’ll get you back to your second servings much faster than my normal ramblings would.
And in a pivot from a few weeks back when every movie was streaming, this week every notable title is playing in theaters. Makes sense. It’s Thanksgiving weekend which, if not quite Christmas, is generally a time when people go the theaters.
One movie that’s releasing is Glass Onion, the sequel to Knives Out. I noted this a few weeks back, but it’s a Netflix movie for which they made a deal with the biggest theater chains to play it “nationwide,” for one week. The Flix has done deals with smaller theater owners in the past, but this is a first. But nationwide here is still only ~600 theaters, whereas a normal “wide” release is 2,000+. There are thoughts that the only for one week thing could change depending on performance too. But I’m going to wait until it’s on the streamer (Dec 23) before I give it the full feature treatment. Just wanted you to know it’s out there in case.
There’s also The Nanny, White Noise and The Son having limited theatrical releases this weekend, but also waiting until their legit coming out weekends to feature. But if you’re a NY / LA kid, now ya know.
🎉 Btw, I’ve officially (editor’s note: who says?) been “publishing” What’s In Theaters+ for five(!!!!!) years. That’s a lot of movies and lot of words. Almost all of which I’ve forgotten. But what I haven’t exorcised from my brain is the times people have responded saying they liked “this” or or told me “that” was funny. Especially when someone tells me something was funny. So thank you for reading. 🙏
And I’m not sure for how long I’ll do this, but don’t have any plans to stop soon, so might as well get more people who might find it worthwhile on the list. And with that in mind, won’t you…
Extra Credit Movies:
The Noel Diary - I’m not exactly sure why I’m calling out a Christmas movie when there are LITERALLY 164 HOLIDAY THEMED MOVIES BEING RELEASED THIS SEASON. But here we are. I do have a soft spot for Justin Hartley who stars, so maybe that’s it. No, I didn’t watch This is Us, I watched a much better show he starred in called Smallville. 🤓 🏹 This doesn’t look “good” exactly, but it certainly doesn’t look worse than any of the other options on Hallmark / Lifetime - or even the friendly Netflix competition, which includes the return of Freddie Prinze Jr. to the rom-com category, in what is currently the highest rated movie of his career1! There aren’t reviews yet. But reviews shouldn't even exist for these movies anyway. They’re like water on a RainX (#notanad) coated windshield.2 Streaming on Netflix tomorrow (Thursday).
A man named Steven
Recalls his life through film
All would if we could?
Out: TODAY
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 31 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 93%
Disney back again
Gloops, boops, mishaps, awws for all
Generational
Out: TODAY
Where: Theaters
1 hr 42 mins | PG | 🍅: 74%
Top Gun adjacent
Jonathan Majors’ (acting) kills
Square war biopic
Out: TODAY
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 19 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 77%
Title literal
Tim & Tay will eat prey, love
Enjoy after meal
Out: TODAY
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 10 mins | R | 🍅: 85%
All the highlighted trailers in one sentence. Aaaaaand go.
It’s actually quite Elemental to ponder The Way of Water instead of getting distracted by White Noise when Living it up and paying 80 for Brady in your auction fantasy football league.
this does mean much. at all.
beading?? I dunno, just go with it, ok?