On this week's menu: Homicide with a side of hijinks
And maybe a dash of superhero tights.
“I promise I won’t steal your shells.
I promise you you won’t either.”
So I was at a watch party this weekend. It was really fun! The spread was amazing, tailored to all the nominees. The crowd was super into the show, in large part because the hosts were super stoked and gave everybody a recap of how the competition worked. We even got up and read some background on each performer, written by the hosts, so everybody had context. I had my favorites for sure, but was never fully sure who was going to take it all, so I was a legit surprised when Finland was announced the big winner (for my little watch party, not the actual contest).
….Finland?? Uh, didn’t Germany’s All Quiet on the Western Front win best international feature?
It did indeed, but I wasn’t an Oscars watch party, I was at a Eurovision watch party. Ya know, the completely real and not at all fake, but ridiculous enough to be fake contest that has been going on since the the 50’s as a way to help Europe come together after dubya dubya two. I have to say, as a Eurovision virgin (who barely knew it existed until the Will Ferrell / Rachel McAdams movie came out) I very much enjoyed myself.
I also, somewhat in an obligatory manner, watched The Oscars. But instead of coifing my hair and repping the ancestral home by wearing my Norwegian sweater (shut up, my mom got it for me!), I was grunged up cleaning the apartment. If you read this newsletter regularly you know I have a complicated relationship with movie awards, and specifically the Academy Awards. I just generally dislike how they work to rank things that (I think) are hard to be ranked (even if I get why they do so1). And sure, plenty of people care about and watch the show, 18.7 million did this year, which is more than last year, but still way less than back in the day (see: the 90’s). And how can you not enjoy some of the awesome moments like when Ke Huy Quan, Michelle Yeoh, Jamie Lee Curits or Brendan Fraser won their awards? Or when Everything Everywhere All at Once won Best Picture and Quan (Short Round) sprinted up to hug a presenting Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones). Like come on, I’m not a fucking monster.
But the seriousness of it all is also somewhat of a turn off. If we go back to Eurovision for a second, that competition has the range of submissions, from Italy’s serious ballad, the UK’s slick pop outing to Sweden’s combo of both. There’s a reason the term “Oscar bait” exists. It’s not even close to a new thought, but wouldn’t it be fun to celebrate some of the weirder stuff out there (bringing Cocaine Bear on stage doesn’t count), some of the comedy, horror movies? Yeah, they’ve been trying to reach “broader moviegoers” by opening up the Best Picture allotment to a max of ten, and did a decent job by including hits like Top Gun: Maverick and Avatar: The Way of Water (even if the latter’s inclusion felt a bit thirsty).
But if I step back, Everything Everywhere All at Once was a very odd (great) movie - it has butt plugs, talking rocks and fanny pack based action sequences. And it won! A lot of stuff! So maybe I’m being hard on a show that’s always trying to keep the status quo (because it provides the Academy with nearly all of its money) and progressing to represent the wider interests of audiences, or more to my tastes, be less of a competition and more of a celebration. But I get it, we like our winners and losers.
Or maybe like Eurovision they could include some fan voting. Which is of course sacrilege in the world of the Oscars, because it’s about the community fêting itself. But it might make things a bit more interesting at least. Who knows maybe you’ll even end up with a winner like Finland. Which is just too hard to categorize, so instead I’ll just have you watch…
NEWSY BITS 👾
T-Mobile is buying Ryan Reynolds’ Mint Mobile for up to $1.35 billion [why interesting? well I find it fascinating because there of course have been the celebrity booze deals (of which Reynolds is included via Aviation Gin) and stars regularly act as endorsers or “creative consultants” to brands, but Reynolds has gone well beyond any other celebrity and delved into some very unsexy territory with a mobile company (Mint), marketing firm (Mountain), and a struggling Welsh soccer team (Wrexham FC). Yet he hasn’t taken a hit profile-wise even as he’s been the face of all these endeavors. In fact, I’d argue it’s probably helped his movies perform better. And made him a shit-ton of money. Hmm, I might need to write about this some more in the future…] - The Verge
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Inside - Willem Dafoe goes full Willem Dafoe playing an art thief who gets caught, alone, in a high-security condo and basically goes nuckin futs. The reviews be saying Dafoe is as committed as you’d expect him to be, but that plenty will feel just as stuck as the character they’re watching on screen. Playing in Limited Theaters this Friday.
The Magician’s Elephant - basically Netflix filling their required “babysitter quota” for parents, so don’t expect anything mind-blowing, but there are a few reviews which are giving fairly solid takes. Streaming on Netflix this Friday.
The Boston Strangler - Keira Knightley stars as a reporter in a competent looking thriller about Asshole #15,458,378 who targeted women in his horrific crimes, this time in 60’s Boston. Not really any reviews yet, but like I said, looks solid enough. Streaming on Hulu this Friday.
You might be surprised when I tell you Shazam! Fury of the Gods is a zombie movie. And even more befuddled when I say it doesn’t star any middle finger snackin’, rotting flesh toting, undead creatures. No, Shazam! is a zombie movie because of the place it holds in the DC movie universe - a loosely connected cinematic world that never achieved the success of its frenemy Marvel, who changed the movie industry with its sprawling MCU. So in an effort to create a more compelling (and monetarily successful) interconnected series they hired James Gunn (directer of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy 1,2,3 and DC’s Suicide Squad) as well as his buddy Peter Safran to head up DC and basically do a refresh on everything. Which leaves movies made before the switchover, like Shazam!, in an awkward spot. Some (read: me) might say they’re both alive and dead, because sure, you can watch it, but you’re basically watching it walk off a cliff. Solid chance that even if you enjoy it you’ll have that feeling in the pit of your stomach it’s all for naught. Kind of like right after you just ate a donut. 🍩
And if that wasn’t enough, I’m here with more bad news. While the first Shazam saw a loving response from critics, who said it did a great job at lightening up the other gloomy Nu Metal inspired (I mean, weren’t they?) DC movies with its focus on innocence and wish fulfillment, this second outing looks like it’s fallen into the superhero trap of more CGI, more action, more stakes. Zachary Levi was the salve last time, with his aw gee shucks role of a teenager imbued with insane powers, but apparently here, may be a bit too smarmy for some. It’s not getting all hate by any means, but there is definitely more than last time.
At least it does star Helen Mirren and Lucy Liu as the new baddies who are quite hot in the movie. No, I’m not hitting on them (though they are both quite attractive). Hot as in literally warm, as in body temperature. 🔥
"Don't ask me about the plot, it's too complicated," Mirren said about her role in the movie. "[Lucy Liu and I] are angry goddesses wearing unbelievably heavy costumes. It was very hot and uncomfortable and in fact, Lucy said at the end of the first day's shooting, 'They are trying to kill us,' in all seriousness."
Mirren continues, making sure to follow up with some good after the bad…
"I wanted to do it because I loved the first 'Shazam!' It was sweet and funny. I am
not a big superhero-type person, but I loved the idea of it and happily signed up for the second one. It is great."
I can appreciate the realness. Because who hasn’t thought about the suits and how they fit at least once during a superhero movie viewing? And if you do end up seeing Fury of the Gods, sounds like you might want some things to ponder while Shazam punches a dragon. Because how much can you really care about the end of world, if there’s already another one popping up to take its place. Which, oddly, is also kind of just like eating donuts. 🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩
Out: Thursday
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 10 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 69%
The last time I featured a movie (80 for Brady) co-starring Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda, aka The Dynamic Dildo Duo2 aka The Cutest Non-Couple Couple to Ever Couple, it did quite well (contextually of course) and I’m sure it has plenty to do with my newsletter (it didn’t). So let’s run it back and have me tell you about their next collab. Which should be fun-ish, but not nearly as goofy as their last outing. “Ish” not because it’s bad, but because it involves the 9 to 5 co-stars planning the proposed murder of their recently deceased friend’s husband (Malcom McDowell). 🔪
I won’t say why made the offing is in the making (reviews will though), but if it’s something someone would wait nearly 60 years to exact revenge upon, you can bet it wasn’t cheating at Monopoly3. So expect actual emotional stakes, and even some that might give the the range of feels. But don't fret that you'll miss out on Tomlin and Fonda goofing it up as do things like try to buy a tiny gun that looks oddly similar to the one Shy Ronnie shot himself in the foot with while robbing that bank with Rihanna (editor: uh, deep cut dude writer: thanks man! editor: that wasn’t necessarily a…whatever, this is getting silly).
So it’s basically homicide with a bit of hijinks thrown in, which can make difficult tone setting. And while that has been an issue for some critics who thought it was a bit too all over the place, the majority seem to think Tomlin and Fonda are able to split the worlds quite well together, in large part because they do it, well, together. The other big thing reviews are mentioning is that the movie isn’t yet another chance to mine old people merely for their oldness - i.e. they’re broader characters than that. Now, don’t expect to see this to be nominated for any Oscars next year, but still, it’s something!
Oh, and before we go, I got one more… aka The Queens of Quick-wit. I know it sounds simple, but you try combining two relevant Q words.
Out: Friday
Where: Limited Theaters
1 hr 25 mins | R | 🍅: 70%
Speeeeeeaking of comedy. Academy Award winner Jennifer Lawrence goes all in and it looks freaking great.
As mentioned, Jennifer Lawrence does full funny. And to bring it back to another of my favorite topics, the “social media” version inserts all the text on the trailer (i.e. subtitles) and it’s actually… kinda better??
A full look at the full redo of The Little Mermaid. Can’t say it appears any different than Disney’s other “live action” efforts, but the routine has served them well so far, so can’t imagine why they would’ve changed it. Halle Bailey got some pipes though eh? 🎶
to bring attention to the movies and hopefully get more people to watch them, even if it’s become a bit less about that as you imagine it naturally would
yes, I know they technically sold vibrators, but that doesn’t work as well with my alliteration aspirations (see what I did there?)
though that shit is considered a serious offense in many households, including mine