Surprise! Surprise!
Not really all that surprising facts about upcoming movies.
“Elaine! Elaine! Elaine! Elaine!”
-hint: actual age difference between the film’s stars was just six years, far less than portrayed in the movie
So I watched Barbie, again.
I dunno, I guess I just figured Warner execs could use another pink G-Wagon? 🤷♂️
Actually my girlfriend hadn’t seen it yet so I was happy to go another time, somewhat because I was curious how I’d like it upon a second viewing. Dare I say I liked it more? Oh I do dare. Hell, I’d even Double Dare (oh hi Marc!).
I think it was in part because I was less encumbered with understanding exactly what it was, and thus was able to have thoughts about why it was. More specifically why certain things were, because there are so many “choices” in that movie. For example, and no spoilers here, but there’s a scene in particular that upon first viewing, even in its heightened world, I was like, huh, wonder why they did it that way1. I don’t think I “got it.” But watching the same scene again, I thought, oh wait, I wonder if they’re having this scene play out as if someone was controlling the characters like dolls, because ya know, Barbie.
It’s just theory at this point. I haven’t read anything from director Greta Gerwig that confirms it. Maybe I will at some point. Or maybe I’ll forever get to present this theory to friends and random strangers via the internet 🙃 and sound cool and smart (editor’s note: not likely!). But no matter what, it made me appreciate that scene more because it took on an alternative purpose vs just what was playing out on screen. It’s this sort of “second thought” that can often make movies, songs, books better on repeat encounters.
But seeing movies multiple times in theaters is expensive. Normally. Another big reason I was down to mouth along to I’m Just Ken (fun fact: Slash, yes that Slash, plays guitar on the track) was because I “didn’t have to pay for it.” Quotes because I definitely did, but via my Season Pass at Alamo Drafthouse Theaters (basically Moviepass for just the Alamo). It’s been interesting to see how not feeling pressure to justify the cost of each ticket allows you to see not only more movies, but some movies more. There’s still the opportunity cost of the time commitment of course, as well as the inevitable money spent on drinks / food (Alamo sells booze and decent food during the movie). But man, think what would’ve happened with Titanic’s box office if someone (read: teen girls) could’ve bought a monthly pass and gone once a day “for free.” Damn thing might’ve made an extra billy (context: studios still gets paid for each ticket, even if it’s via the subscriptions).
I don’t think it’ll shift things all that much in the near term, but theaters will need to continue to expand their offerings, especially emphasizing “the experience” that can’t be replicated at home, which maybe will draw more people in. And if the incentives are good enough, justify a monthly subscription. Because at this point, you kind of have to be a hardcore”ish” moviegoer to be doing one of these.
How about you?
NEWSY BITS 👾
Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour Concert Film Sets Presale Records for AMC Theatres, Fandango [“At AMC, it set a new record for single-day presales revenue with $26M.” that’s a lotta dimp. Context: Swift forgo working with a traditional studio and made a direct deal with AMC (though other theaters will be playing it as well)] - Box Office Pro
For the first time, cable and broadcast makes up less than half of TV viewing [couple weeks old news, but worth highlighting as it’s a tidy headline that encapsulates viewing behavior changes. Maybe most shocking is how many people still watch “linear TV” (i.e. broadcast + cable). Also worth noting it was measured during a time period when the big sports league aren’t active (i.e. NFL, NBA) so will probably shift again] - CNN
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe - a coming of age story about two young men in Austin, Texas who become friends and potentially more, that is getting loads of positive feedback from critics. The reviews, as you might imagine, are quite glowing, saying it does something different enough with a familiar arc. Playing in Limited Theaters This Friday
Sitting in Bars With Cake - friendships rarely get the focus in movies that romantic relationships do, but Sitting in Bars makes an effort to balance the very (very) weighted in favor of the latter, scales. No reviews yet, but looks like they at least tried to honor the book the story is based on. Streaming on Amazon Prime This Friday
Scouts Honor: The Secret Files of the Boy Scouts of America - Netflix loves a good exposé style documentary and here’s one on the Boy Scouts and their (now well known) issues with sexual abuse. The reviews are pretty welcoming, saying it’s fairly document heavy, but gives enough voice to those affected to not feel exploitative. Streaming on Netflix TODAY
The Conjuring franchise really has it all at this point: creepy house? ✔️ creepy doll? ✔️ creepy possessed kid? ✔️ creepy nun? ✔️
One could give the franchise shepherds shit for laying it on so thick with all these cliches, but they could easily offer a counterpoint of… fuck it, I’m rich. Which maybe wouldn’t be an overly polite response, but it would be an accurate one. Because when taken in its entirety, the franchise has made over $2 billion dollars - on relatively small budgets (less than $200 million combined). The people want face-painted-demon-nuns? Give ‘em face-painted-demon-nuns!
And even though critics bloodied the The Nun’s proverbial knuckles more than some Catholic school kid’s who blurts out that Jesus was a zombie, when it came out in 2018, it still made the most money of any movie in the franchise to date. So yeah, suffice to say that evil shithead who likes to cosplay as chaste women with limited wardrobe options has returned. And Taissa Farmiga (yup, younger sister to og star of The Conjuring, Vera Farmiga) is back as the now fully-fledged nun who is sure to send that stinky demon butt back to hell. But not without some jump scares to remind you that you haven’t been doing your kegels often enough 💦 (I’m not discriminating, men should do them too!). Btw, if you’re a hardcore fan, this takes place after Annabelle: Creation - peep the whole franchise timeline here).
But like that feeling of latent anxiety in the depths of your stomach that just never seems to go away, no matter how much time you spend on Instagram, you can be sure Satan’s roommate will be back at some point. Because the fun secret about being rich is, you can get even richer.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 50 mins | R | 🍅: TBD
Seeing as this is the third titular greek wedding that is apparently big, and don’t forget fat!, you’d think there might’ve been at least, I don’t know, one divorce to get us to this point of a triumvirate of celebrations? But όχι!2 These are nice movies where nice things happen. The leads of the original, Toula (star, writer and now director Nia Varadlos) and Ian (John Corbett) are nice and mostly happy. But mostly happy doesn’t make for a very good story cuz like, what are you gonna watch them do, their god damn taxes? “Jesus Christ Ian, she’s 27! You can’t keep claiming her as a dependent!” “Well she sure acts like one with all money we loan her!”
So what do you with your characters when everything else is figured out? Shove their asses on a plane of course (see: Sex and the City 2, Book Club: The Next Chapter). And where else would you send the Portokalos family?
Nebraska, duh.
While seeing the crew wander around the most boring state amongst these here united would obviously be amazing, I was lying. They go to Greece of course. And sure, the stakes may be much lower than convincing your family to accept your non-Greek beau, but those weren’t crazy high-stakes to begin with. So if you wanna hang with some old friends, nay family, get your ass, to a theater.
🇬🇷 🏛
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 31 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD
Surprise! Surprise!
Not really all that surprising facts about upcoming movies with new trailers.
Surprise! Surprise! Taylor Swift made a movie out of her massive Eras tour and it’s already certain to make a crap ton of money (see Newsy Bits). But it’s not really all that surprising.
Surprise! Surprise! Tom Hardy plays a badass in a movie about the apex of the 60’s biker scene where Austin Butler (aka Elvis) plays a fellow drifter. But it’s not really that surprising.
Surprise! Surprise! Someone (Netflix) finally made a sequel to the beloved stop-motion animated hit Chicken Run, but it doesn’t star Mel Gibson. But it’s not really that surprising.
Surprise! Surprise! The “last” film from Studio Ghibli’s Hayao Miyazaki, that was released in Japan without a full marketing campaign, including even a trailer, had a trailer release for the US market. But it’s not really that surprising.
Surprise! Surprise! Celebrated director Ava Duvernay made a movie based on the complicated non-fiction book Caste, and it’s receiving lots of early praise. But it’s not really that surprising.
Surprise! Surprise! There’s yet another movie about the pharmaceutical industry starring big names Emily Blunt and Chris Evans. But it’s not really that surprising.
Surprise! Surprise! A home invasion is even creepier when it’s friggen aliens invading your home. But it’s not really that surprising.
Surprise! Surprise! A Japanese based Godzilla story completely unrelated to the Kong stuff looks kinda awesome for what it’s not (i.e. American). But it’s not really that surprising.
Want more surprises that aren’t that surprising? Watch more trailers below!
ask me about the scene!
that’s greek for no silly