This is a serious email.
Where we talk about serious things.
THE QUOTE 🎬 💬
“It’s heartening to see so many strange new faces here today”
hint: the director might call this one a comedy
THINK THOUGHTS 💭
No big ramblings this week, and for once I’m being serious.
Which seems to be a bit of a theme of this edition apparently...
NEWSY BITS 👾
David Lynch Reveals He’s ‘Homebound’ Due to Emphysema Diagnosis, but Is Open to Directing Remotely - 😞 though the 78 year old Lynch said he’s “filled with happiness and I will never retire.” - IndieWire
‘Evil Dead’ Icon Bruce Campbell Says Animated Version In Development - yes, please - Deadline
Before Reality Became Debatable, There Was ‘The Blair Witch Project’ - *long read notice* it’s been 25 years since The Blair Witch Project made everyone lose those god damn minds, both in fear and in understanding what’s real. - The New York Times
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Good One - a daughter goes on a backpacking trip with her father and his friend, who sure, bicker a little, but their old friends, they do that. Seems innocuous enough. What could go wrong? The reviews say it’ll seem like nothing will as the tension eeeeever so slowly builds, until… Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) 🎟 & 📺
It Ends With Us
It Ends With Us is a serious movie based on a serious(ly popular) book about a serious issue - domestic violence. Me noting the seriousness here is not me making fun, but making sure you retain that fact.
The movie is part romance, part drama, part female empowerment and stars Blake Lively as a woman who thinks she’s beginning the perfect relationship with a neurosurgeon (Justin Baldoni from Jane the Virgin who also directs), until his rage issues start to appear, which are only exacerbated when she runs into an old friend / love.
The novel had become quite popular not too soon after its release in 2019, but gained a massive following once it became a thing on “BookTok” in 2021. Whaaaat the fuck is BookTok you ask? It’s really just a cutsey way of describing people talking about / recommending books on TikTok. 💁♀️📘 But because TikTok is huge, these recommendations have the ability to make the books people talk about, also huge. And so it went for author Colleen Hoover’s tribute to her mother and her experience with domestic abuse. You could think of it sort of like the more emotionally heavy and less sexy (though that ain’t sayin much) Fifty Shades of Grey - author starts self-publishing, internet pays attention, rabid fanbase grows and poof, movie deal with what looks like a pretty big opening weekend.
But while this movie was already going to do well due to aforementioned popularity, Blake Lively dooooes happen to be married to a charming fellow movie star who just so happens to be a marketing aficionado.
But this is a serious movie, remember? Surely Reynolds won’t be able to inject his brand of humor…. right? Au contraire, how very mon frère. See below.
Will his partcipation help give the movie a little bump at the box office? Dunno, these things really can’t be tracked, but it is a certain kind of funny to think that while someone is watching Lively’s co-star Brandon Sklenar try and help her escape her abusive husband, there’s a possibility they’re also wondering if he actually is smuggling pumpkins in his pants or if he really will be Reynolds new daddy (watch the video).
Honestly, I’m down for it. Sure, it’s not thematically tied the movie, but it is one hell of an attention getter (it already has nearly 600K views).
Or maybe it’s supposed to be a post-movie palate cleanser and we’re just jumpin’ in early.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 10 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 55%
Borderlands
I’m a big Guardians of the Galaxy (GotG) fan. I think writer / director James Gunn’s ability to blend humor and heart laced with a faux kitsch flavor is hard to top. His style may not be for everyone, but based on the franchise’s popularity, it’s definitely for (lots of) someone(s).
Whereas when I watch the Borderlands trailer, it sure looks like it’s trying to be a GotG knockoff in search of its someone - except the studio exec it already found who thought they could just syphon the vibes from the best Marvel trilogy. And maybe I’m trippin’, but it seems pretty clear Borderlands modeled their marketing materials on the GotG trailers too, down to the 70’s based soundtrack.
Honestly, if this didn’t have a well known cast (Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis) and notable director (Eli Roth) you might consider it to be a parody. But who knows, maybe the stars shine through all the muck! They probably won’t, mind you, because while there aren’t any official reviews to confirm, there are “reactions” from the publicity screening. And they’re pretty awful.
So while it always feels harsh to lay judgement so heavily and without confirmation, this one’s lookin’ like a stinker to me. 💩
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 10 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD
Cuckoo
I’m not sure of their motivations, but the people at film distributor NEON are clearly on a diabolical mission to fuck with the nation’s sleep.
In just four weeks they’ll have released two movies that look more disturbing than anything else most other studios have released all year (hell, in years).
Last month it was the excellent Longlegs, and this weekend we’re blessed(?) with Cuckoo, which stars Euphoria star and standout Hunter Schafer, as well as one of my favorite actors, Dan Stevens. But whereas Longlegs had a very clear creepy horror feel, Cuckoo has more of that creepy wtf feel. Similar, yet different.
If you’ve seen Longlegs, you know that while there’s lots to consider, there is a through-line. But word from reviews is that Cuckoo is quite a bit more bonkers in its story telling.
The basic plot of a 17 year-old moving to the Alps with her father, step-mother and step-sister, where the family quickly becomes overly involved with the father’s odd boss, well, that’s the easy part. It’s the everything else part which might be a bit of a mind-fuck. I can’t really say much more without divulging uncessaries, so maybe peep that trailer to get a quick vibe check.
Although one more thing I can add is that if you’re aware of the fact cuckoo birds leave their eggs in other bird’s nests in order to have them raise their young, you might be ahead in your understanding of what goes on.
Out: Friday
Where: Limited Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 10 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 79%
The Instigators
If you get a kick out of the idea of people saying “pahk the cah in hahvahd yahd” repeatedly for nearly two hours, you’re likelihood of enjoying this movie is probably pretty good.
If you really like the idea of Matt Damon and Casey Affleck uttering those words in their best hometown accent1, well then shit, you’re all set. Don’t bother reading (the pretty crappy) reviews for The Instigators, which say this caper flick has too many odd tone switches, a predictable plot and just not a huge overall reason to care.
Now if you would enjoy Matt Damon and Casey Affleck saying those words while they bitch at each other as they rob stuff and drive cars around the city while they get shot at??
Well fuck, get to burnin’ this email (editor’s note: hmmm, not sure that’s really possible friend) and pretending you never read it. Because this, is your favorite movie of the year.
Note: they are not going to be literally going to be saying “pahk the cah in hahvahd yahd,” for the entirety of the movie, but when people speak in a Boston accent, they might as well be. Kiddinggggggg
(kinda)
Out: Friday
Where: Apple TV +
Details: 1 hr 41 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 43%
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST ⏯
Blink Twice - second trailer for Zoë Kravitz’s first feature, which stars her fianceé Channing Tatum as a billionaire who has weird shit going on at his island. Don’t they all my friend, don’t they alllll.
Presence - real quick announcement for Stevem Soderbergh’s next one, which is a haunting movie that played at Sundance and already has lots of great reviews.
Kensuke’s Kingdom - a delightfully looking movie with impressive animation about a boy and his dog who are swept away from the family’s boat which leads them to a remote island with only one other human inhabitant.
they’re both from Boston, but you knew that, right?