Tom Cruise is still crazy (after all these years).
Paul Simon would approve.
THE QUOTE đŹ đŹ
âNo, it was dumber than that. Something like, RexâŠâ
hint: didnât know it at the time, but stars three Oscar nominees in one scene. One for this role specifically
THINK THOUGHTS đ
Iâm fresh out of hot takes, so itâs a good thing we got hot movies.
Well, maybe not hot hot, kinda more like warmish.
NEWSY BITS đŸ
Tom Cruise Is âWorking Onâ Ideas For âTop Gun 3â, âDays of Thunderâ Sequel - just cuz Mission may be done, doesnât mean olâ Thomas Mapother IV is done with the whole action genre. - Deadine
Denzel Washington Earned $35M Salary to Star in Spike Leeâs âHighest 2 Lowestâ - noting because this is a streaming movie and actors donât get âpointsâ (percentage of the box office) like they would on a traditional theatrical only release, so itâs interesting to see what the streamers have to pay big stars to essentially make up for that lost upside. - World of Reel
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) đ & đș
Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning
Talking about Mission: Impossible movie has become a game of call and response where someone calls outâŠ
âŠ.??!âŠ.
âŠand another someone who reads too much about movies respondsâŠ
Yup, he actually did that.
...!!!!!?
Yesiree bob, that too!
�!?!!!!?!!
Yes! For real for real. Iâm telling you, the man clearly has an (so far) unfulfilled death wish.
So on and so forth. It makes sense that people stay so focused on the stunts. Mission Impossible is an action movie franchise. Thatâs kind of the bit. Plus, no one really remembers, or gives a shit about, the story from one entry to the next. And thatâs not an indictment. That should be a point of pride for the series. You have more important stuff to remember! Whereas Marvel movies have the burden of making you feel like you have to know all this backstory from 742 movies and 57 shows, Mission movies allowed you to come in blank slated, dumb as a bag of donkey shit and have a grand olâ time.
But then came Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One. Still a movie where Tom Cruise willfully tried to (yet again unsuccessfully) kill himself numerous times, but one that started to add a heavy throughline. While it was retconned1 to be called just Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning, itâs still a direct prequel to this, Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning, also formerly known as Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part Two.
Regardless of much too long titles, all this seems to have been done as a way of creating stakes. An orgasmic event for movie marketers , âit all *unf* comes down to *oh yeah baby* this!â
Does it? Is this the last and *ahem* final Mission Impossible movie? It sure seems like it, but Cruise or Christopher McQuarrie (who has directed the last four movies) wonât confirm flat out.
Regardless, it very much plays as a greatest hits albums. And I mean that quite literallyâthe first part of this nearly three hour sojourn is just scenes from all seven previous Missions. Which, sure, the Ethan Hunt character has done a bunch of wild shit so he deserves some props. But you already knew that, you came to see the next crazy shit heâs gonna do.
And trust, there will be crazy shitâjumping from bi-plane to bi-plane mid-airâbut along the way, youâre going to get a sort of culmination tale for Hunt.
Which, critics say kinda kills the mojo a bit. Because, again, we love Mission movies for what itâs done, but maybe like, donât remind us? Just give us more of what we want?!
Though try as it might to create pathos for the (again, likely) end of the series, I imagine most people will still come away from the movie going, âcan you believe he did that shit?â
Yes, yes I can.
Out: Friday
Where: Movie Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 49 mins | R | đ : 79%
Lilo & Stitch
Their first names are Lilo & Stich⊠Ms. remake, if youâre nasty.
And ooooh boy is Disney nasty. Not like that of course. As in theyâre thinkinâ vulgar thoughts about all the money theyâre making by mining our collective childhoods.
At this point, we donât even really have to say whether a Disney remake is âgoodâ or not, we can just slot it next to one of the other nostalgia pilfering properties. Like, is it more Pinocchio or Dumbo (low end) or we talking The Jungle Book and Peteâs Dragon (high end)?
While I want to say itâs a total Peteâs Dragon, because Iâm a huge og Lilo & Stitch fan, it seems were firmly in the Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid and Aladdin territory. As in, middle of the pack.
Now, while they may be middle of the pack critically, people actually quite enjoyed those re-fests. Why? Probably because the movies gave them exactly what they wanted. Which is what they already have. The same story, just, ya know, with real human flesh involved.
And of course this version isnât entirely live-action. Stitch is still animated, just as he was in the 2002, except this time with computers vs hand drawings.
What I can also say, maybe most importantly, is that Stitch is once again voiced by Chris Sanders, who funny enough, was the director of said beloved og Lilo & Stich (he also directed last yearâs excellent Wild Robot).
So yeah, Disney gave us Lilo and Stitch. Again. And they didnât have a Sonic the Hedgehog debacle in the transition to live action. Good for them!
Good for us? Maybe!
Out: Friday
Where: Movie Theaters
Details: 1 hr 48 mins | PG | đ : 72%
The Fountain of Youth
Lots of jokes to be made here about Hollywood, the most notoriously vain industry *fashion sashays into the chat, quickly followed by modeling vogueing and then politics drunkenly stumbling onto stage behind both yelling out âIâm here! burp Essuse me burp here, Iâm hereâŠâ before falling back off the stage* ok fine, one of the most notoriously vain industries, taking on the mythical pool of water that can supposedly keep one young forever.
But. Thatâs not what Iâm going to talk about. What I want to talk about is winking and nodding. See, these two bodily functions have come to define our modern era of action adventure movies. A sort of self-awareness that gives the audience the impression that the movie knows, that the audience knows, this is all ridiculous. Which allows us to enjoy things lest the movie lose the audience for not calling out the crazy shit itâs doing.
I get it, and can often appreciate it (big Deadpool fan), but itâs also kind of a cheat. It dampens the potential upsides by not allowing for complete investment, but also softens any downsides because the audience gets to feel included.
This sort of âhedgeâ stands in stark contrast to the movies Fountain of Youth is clearly pulling inspiration fromâIndiana Jones. The comparisons will be inescapable and I think desired by the filmmakers. But the thing about Indy was that, for the first three at least, they played it pretty straight! Sure they made jokes and crazy shit happened. But it was never acknowledged just how crazy it all was. No supporting character chimed in with âYou guys, isnât it just wild weâre searching for the Ark of the fucking Covenant?! Itâs like weâre in one of those action film serials from the 30s!â Directly referencing the influence Steven Spielberg and George Lucas used to build the world and character. Instead it just went and did its business, which meant fighting nazis and melting faces.
I canât say which direction Guy Ritchieâs (âdirector) Fountain of Youth is going to go. Only which direction I hope it goes. Which is to play it straight. But Iâve seen the trailers. Which means Iâve seen John Krasinski cracking quips to his onscreen sister Natalie Portman, while also asking for kisses from Eiza GonzĂĄlez. I didnât see any winks for nods per se, but I feel like itâll be hard for it not to. Itâs just that era in movies. But Iâm still holding out hope. But since this is an AppleTV+ movie, we have no reviews to tell us one way or another.
At the very least, no direct Indiana Jones callouts please?
Out: Friday
Where: Apple TV+
Details: 2 hrs 5 mins | PG-13 | đ : TBD
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) đ
Jane Austen Wrecked My Life - an adorable looking French film where a novelist gets brought into a Jane Austen writing club, which then turns her life into a sort of Jane Austen love story. The reviews say itâs as adorable as it looks in the trailer and that youâll probably come away a bit happier about life. - Limited Movie Theaters Friday
Fear Street: Prom Queen - unrelated, at least directly, to the trilogy Netflix made (all at once) and released (over three sequential weeks) in 2021. Just a standalone (hopefully) cheesy good time where a bunch of prom queen to beâs kill and get killed. No reviews, this is a Netflix flick after all2. - Netflix Friday
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST âŻ
Caught Stealing - Darren Aronofsky goes Quentin Tarantino crossed with David Fincher? I mean, kinda!
Jurassic World Rebirth - and this series looks like itâs going full Fast and the Furious.
âŠ..?
Meaning, theyâre expanding on the source material in an effort to go big, BIGGER and BIGGEST.
Zootopia 2 - Itâs kind of a trailer. More like a vibe setter to say, âwhat up. we back.â
Predator: Killer of Killers - one of two Predator projects from Prey director Dan Trachtenberg. This one is animated and Hulu bound.
Mountainhead - the movie from the director of Succession about a group of mega-rich tech-bro billionaires. Mountainhead = stand in for Fountainhead3?
The Bad Guys 2 - trailer 2 for
they basically changed history
as Iâve stated before and will many times again. They donât generally do early reviews.
the Ayn Rand novel.