Wanna get a little naughty?
And I don't mean unsubscribing.
In This Week’s Edition: the holiday deluge continues…
Movie Quote of the Week 🎬 💬
“I’ve gained 45 pounds in a week!”
hint: due to magical causes, not turkey
THINK THOUGHTS 💭
I’m not much on the whole Thanksgiving thing. I mean, sure, I enjoy spending time with people I care about if that’s what’s happening, but the meal part is one big fat meh to me. And I’m even less of a fan of sitting around the dinner table ripping off earnest speeches about what we’re thankful for. (I’m not a massive bummer at parties, I swear).
But a scenario where I don’t mind it is in when it’s occurring right here in this newsletter. And I especially relish it when I get to say I’m thankful for everyone who reads (or hell, even pays for! 💰) this publication. Because while I enjoy knowing what’s coming out each week, I’m not sure I’d go into this level of depth if it weren’t for y’all sitting on the other end of this glowy screen.
So thank you, for six years of talking (reading) movies with me.
Note: The Bradley Cooper / Carey Mulligan Leonard Bernstein biopic(ish) Maestro is playing in limited theaters, but will have a full release on Netflix Dec 20th. I’m gonna feature it then, but if you’re in NY / LA, holla.
NEWSY BITS 👾
Melissa Barrera Dropped From ‘Scream VII’ After Social Media Posts Concerning Israel-Hamas War (Full Article): politics have always been touchy, even for actors, but with increasingly fraught situations occurring and the ability to rip off a social post in seconds, this might become even more common - The Hollywood Reporter
‘Toy Story 5’ Update: Tim Allen Says Disney Has Reached Out To Him & Tom Hanks About Reprising Roles (Full Article): I know I keep saying I don’t wanna be putting production updates here, but it’s Toy Story y’all - Deadline
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Genie - Melissa McCarthy is a zany dream maker who floats into the life of a poor chap (Paapa Essiedu) who’s down in the dumps around the holidays. Think of it as a combo of A Christmas Carol and Aladdin. A few reviews have a few critics *ahem* wishing this would’ve been better, especially since Melissa McCarthy can be so damn funny. Streaming on Peacock TODAY
Good Burger 2 - welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger can I take your order? The Nostalgia Combo meal 🍔? Coming right up. No reviews yet. Streaming on Paramount + TODAY
NOTABLE NEW RELEASES 🎟 & 📺
People love to talk about what they would do if they all of a sudden had “all the money in the world.” But less discussed is what you would do if you had always had all the money in the world. How would that affect you and your behavior?
The director of A Promising Young Woman, Emerald Fennell aims to explore that in her second feature, but through the lens of someone on the outside, a lad named Oliver Quick played by Barry Keoghan (the heartbroken kid in The Banshees of Inisherin yet again being lauded). While studying at Oxford on scholarship he befriends a member of the Catton family, who oversee the Saltburn estate, played by Jacob Elordi (Euphoria and Priscilla, also doing great work say critics) who invites him home for the holidays. Koeghan meets mummy, played by Rosamund Pike (also getting all the love as usual), and a host of of others as he quickly becomes a staple of the grounds.
It’s here that I should say Saltburn looks to not only be a place, but a state of mind, one the movie’s characters will get absorbed into and potentially its audience. Because whether they liked it or not, the consensus from critics is that the thing sure can be pretty to look at. Even if some of the things shot prettily will be shoved in front of your eyes for potential shock value (this is probably what you might call a “hard R” in rating), which is where people may begin to diverge. Whereas some may start to feel like they’re seeing through the opulence and excess and expect more from the film, others may see those factors as exactly the point. I can’t say which one you’ll be, but it’s sure to get some people to gorge on how deeply cutting it is to the wealthy and for others it may turn out to be just as fake the smiles of Saltburn’s residents.
“It's tough and sinewy and the sex is so closely interwoven with the urge to dominate and control that you feel by the end of it the entrails of the British class system have been laid bare.“ - a positive take from the Sydney Morning Herald review of Saltburn
And the detractors?
“I suppose Fennell has made a movie about toxic elitism, but she’s done it in the way Ikea gives you assembly instructions.“ - a spicy line from a fairly brutal review of Saltburn by the New York Times
Out: NOW
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 2 mins | R | 🍅: 71%
Whenever you tell someone they were in your dreams, they often look at you skeptically, as if you just peeped on them through their window late at night as they were changing into their jammies. But in reality, most dreams are mundane journeys through a human psyche.
However, even mundane dreams would start to feel a bit weird if thousands of people started to tell you that you suddenly appeared during their slumber. Which is the basis of Dream Scenario, the umpteenth bonkers yet all the better for it Nicholas Cage movie. But while Cage is getting some of the best reviews of his career (and that’s saying something), don’t expect a meme-fest where Cage is just wildin’ out, but look forward to more of an entertaining exploration of celebrity and the fickle nature of attention.
Meaning the title acts as a sort of double entendre, yes, literally dream scenarios 😴, but also what one might think is a “dream scenario,” having to do literally nothing and becoming famous for it. Or infamous. Because as you might surmise, a situation like this, like any dealing with notoriety, has the potential to shift, and that’d probably be an astute deduction. But while it may cause issues for Cage’s character, it should all up pretty dreamy for us, the wide awake audience.
Out: NOW
Where: Theaters
1 hr 42 mins | R | 🍅: 92%
Apparently Disney execs had the “When you wish upon a star…” theme music drilled into their head enough times that when they were tasked with coming up with a movie to celebrate the studio’s centennial, one of them - donned in sunglasses on account of their hungover state after a drunken bender at Benihana - finally perked up and blurted out, “fuck it, what if it was a movie. what if what was a movie? the god damn star thing. “star” thing?! as in ‘When you wish upon a star...’? Yeah, that shit. But what would it even be about? Wishing, duh 🙄.”
If I’m taking some liberties in the movie’s origins (although I don’t not know that’s how it went down), it’s fine, because Disney is apparently taking liberties with all their own properties. And by liberties I mean literally cribbing directly from them - poisoned apples, (multiple) appearances by Peter Pan and a deer named, what else, Bambi. In total there are apparently 100 easter eggs - cuz, ya know, centennial.
If you were to tell me this sounds like a a corporate mandate made into a movie, I wouldn’t disagree. And neither would most critics apparently who say even if it’s extremely well crafted (it combines Disney’s watercolor origins with modern animation), has some legit songs, and voice cast in Ariana DeBose (the new West Side Story) and Chris Pine that do very well, that it still feels like a lot of various parts shoved onto screen vs a cohesive stitched together whole. Which after learning how the film came to be, kinda makes sense, eh?
“The animation is beautiful, the jokes mostly land, and the songs seem destined to become Disney karaoke night staples. But Wish is so obsessed with the past that it fails to add anything new of its own. If you’re going to pay tribute to 100 years of Disney magic, you can’t forget to save a little magic for yourself.“ - from the Entertainment Weekly review of Wish
Out: NOW
Where: Theaters
1 hr 32 mins | PG | 🍅: 47%
Let’s get this out of the way. Napoleon Bonaparte wasn’t short, he was in fact somewhat tall for his era. So the whole “Napoleon Complex” thing as we know it now is actually pure shite on account of its lack of fact based origins. I know *feigning shock* a piece of “common knowledge” was incorrect. But once a narrative takes hold, we all know how hard it is to shift it. Pile on 200+ years? And it’s basically divine law.
But just maybe, the new Napoleon movie, directed by Ridley Scott (Alien, Gladiator, The Martian) can help reinvent the Napoleon Complex and shift it away from the height thing and focus it more on the being a petulant asshole thing. Because while I wouldn’t take this movie as anything more than fiction inspired by history, it’s hard to imagine someone who struggles for power as hard as Bonaparte did wasn’t a bit of a dillweed.
Sure, he may have been good at planning war strategy and stuff, I honestly am the least qualified person to determine that fact, but that doesn’t preclude him from being the target of mockery, which in a bit of a twist, looks like Scott has gone and done. In fact, nearly every review is noting how funny the movie is. Even before they talk about how great the war scenes are shot.
And trust, Sony definitely tried to make this movie look EPIC, but turns out, Scott was just trying to make it real…
“The marketing for Napoleon did a bang-up job of making Ridley Scott’s take on the French emperor’s rise and fall look very grandiose and serious. But that’s not exactly what the film is like: this is a historical epic which is constantly on the lookout for subtle ways to undercut historical epics. If a man steps solemnly ashore on a beach in his beloved France, and bends, and kisses the ground, in a mark of ceremonial patriotism, that man will have to wipe sand off his lips a few moments later, and this is a film which shows you this.” - from the Empire review of Napoleon
The legendary director also focuses a lot on Napoleon’s relationship w/ his for a time wife, Joséphine de Beauharnais, played by Vanessa Kirby (whom critics loved), which turns into a pseudo dom / sub thing. Again, not sure about accuracy here, I’ll leave that for your post-viewing google k-hole, but it does sound like it brings some heart into what could be a fairly rote exercise in storytelling. However, this wasn’t a universal solve as there’s still a fairly sizable contingent of reviewers who were like, yeeeeaaah there’s some stuff here, but no.
And oh, I should probably at some point mention Joaquin Phoenix who plays Napoloeon, and at 5’8” is actually the perfect height to play the emperor (dictator?). As you’d imagine he commits fully to his performance. And even if he gets the usual praise, some still found his portrayal as way too aloof and man-childish. But like, what dictator isn’t, amma right?
““Napoleon” is a portrait of the most pathetic of all great men, or perhaps the greatest of all pathetic ones, and it excels — when it excels — because it’s the rare historical epic that isn’t afraid to be embarrassed for its subject. “ - from the Indiewire review of Napoleon
Out: NOW
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 38 mins | R | 🍅: 65%
You might not think Adam Sandler, a man known for his less than adult behavior (e.g. pelting near toddlers with dodgeballs), would be the best person to be doling out life lessons to kids, but he’s grown up a lot since then (twice in fact), he’s even made some actual “adult” movies in Uncut Gems and Hustle1. And now that he’s a 74 year old (editor’s note: 74?!) wait. *checks notes* sorry, correction, now that he’s playing a 74 year old… lizard, it might be the perfect time for “Adam Sandler, the sage.”
Yeah, that makes way more sense.
And though Sandler is only 57 he still might be the best person to voice a crotchety old reptile trying to escape the grasp of grimy fifth-grader hands only to realize he’s actually got a lot of wisdom to pass along. One, because he can do funny voices, and kids love funny voices, and two, he’s actually pretty darn good at melding the inane with the heartfelt in a broadly appealing manner. I mean yeah, it doesn’t always (usually) work perfectly, but when it does, as in movies like The Wedding Singer or to a lesser degree 50 First Dates (maybe Drew Barrymore is the key…) it’s quite lovely.
But obviously this is an animated flick, so it’s gotta to be far more “kid centric,” doesn’t it? Weeeell, while you might think it’ll be all poop jokes, there’s apparently a lot of emotional fodder for those among us where 74 is either an approximate age or far closer than we want it to be. Which might make it a little back and forth in its tone, but maybe that’s not unlike Sandler’s more recent career. But it won’t swing so far that you need to be worrying about the Sandler’s lizard talking about colonoscopies.
Actually, don’t hold me to that…
Out: NOW
Where: Netflix
1 hr 45 mins | PG | 🍅: 71%
TRAILERS! ⏯ “They know what they’re doing…”
Anyone But You - They know what they’re doing… in using that still image for the trailer.
Imaginary - They know what they’re doing… is something you say sheepishly and somewhat as a question while you watch the trailer for the next horror flick from Blumhouse, the production company that has pumped out so many horror hits it’s becoming unfair.
obviously Punch-Drunk Love too