We all make mistakes, right?
However, it's usually better when we can remember them...
THE QUOTE đŹ đŹ
âEverybody panic! It's just like the Titanic but it's full of bears!â
hint: not many actors can make such a silly line sound so damn funny
THINK THOUGHTS đ
Unfortunately, there are no acquisitions this week. Even failed ones. So instead youâll have to settle for some stories about me failing miserably at trying to acquire a girlâs heart via a poorly placed tobacco product. đ
Enjoooooy!
NEWSY BITS đž
Netflix to Open Massive Entertainment, Dining and Shopping Complexes in Two Cities in 2025: sooooo âthe Netflix mallâ then? Mallflix? Netmall? Malltflix? Although theyâre saying the goal is more marketing than moneymaking. Locations will be Dallas and outside of Philly. - Variety
âSpaceballsâ Sequel in Development at Amazon MGM With Josh Gad Starring, Mel Brooks Producing - fun! - Variety
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) đ
The Exorcism - Russell Crowe is an actor, playing an actor (who also happens to be an alcoholic) playing a priest, in a movie about an exorcism where The Exorcist type shit starts to happen on set. Crowe also just played a priest in The Popeâs Exorcist. Which makes this meta-fuck-fest even more convoluted and confusing. The reviews are only from outside the US so far, but the canât imagine critics stateside are gonna be any more forgiving. Playing in Theaters Friday
Trigger Warning - Jessica Alba is a special ops badass with a reason to kick some bad (guy) ass. This oneâs on The Flix, so no reviews yet, but they should be in line with what you think theyâll be upon upon watching the trailer. Streaming on Netflix Friday
Janet Planet - Parents are people too. Their kids just donât know that. Until they do. Which is often a weird moment of realization. It shifts your perspective on the world and how it operates. This movie is about that point of discovery, which first time director (but longtime playwright) Annie Baker called âa story about falling out of love with your mother.â The reviews are well into the positive, saying it often goes in unexpected directions. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) đ & đş
The Bikeriders
The Bikeriders looks like such a vibe-y movie that by the end of it Iâm afraid Iâll have a hankering to slot a pack of Marlboros in my back pocket - and this from a guy whoâs never smoked a cigarette in his life. Ok fine, once, but I donât remember it and had to be relayed the story the following morning on account of me being piss drunk (keywordâ) trying to impress a girl in college. You can ask her husband and kids how well that went. đ
But sometimes you do dumb shit to try and make a good impression because itâs nice to belong and feel wanted.
âIdentity is such a big topic today,â he says. âEverybody is finding their unique identity, whether thatâs race or sex or sexuality. Weâre all looking for our own story. Whatâs strange to me is, in the pursuit of that, you get wrapped up in these groups, and then by definition they have to start coming up with rules and structures. Before you know it, these people who felt they didnât want to live by societyâs rules are now living by another set of rules. As humans, weâre susceptible to that. I find it quite scary. - The Bikeriders director Jeff Nichols during an interview with The Guardian
I think itâs fair to say the implication is, times change, âpeopleâ really donât. Not individuals mind you, but the collective. Humans are gonna human and look for that sense of belonging. And as Nichols points out, sometimes it gets dangerous. But before that is often the fun part, the sexy part.
Which critics say is kind of the halving point of the movie - the first segment is all camaraderie, romantic nostalgia and sense of possibilities while the second half starts to break down both for our characters and unfortunately, cinematically as well.
And these vibes I mentioned of course come from Nichols, but are translated by a group of great actors, namely Tom Hardy (the bike gangâs leader), Austin Butler (the James Dean cosplaying newcomer) and Jodie Comer (Butlerâs vexed partner and narrator). Hardy and Comer get the most love with Butler getting called out here and there for being a bit too broody.
But even if you finish and donât come away with a big olâ what for, sounds like youâll have a hard time not thinking about how cool you might look with a cig hanging from your bottom lip as you sip bourbon, waxing on about the feeling of wind in your hair as you race across state lines.
But take it from me, youâll probably just end up looking like a try hard with a bad hangover.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 56 mins | R | đ : 85%
Kinds of Kindness
I feel like if you told an actor they were about to have a leading role in Kinds of Kindness, youâd be forgiven for thinking their response was them achieving orgasm.1 đŽ
Itâs from writer / director Yorgos Lanthimos, the lauded Greek filmmaker behind last yearâs Poor Things as well as The Lobster and The Favourite (all Oscar nominated)
It is a âtryptich fableâ, meaning three different stories where the same actors get to inhabit three different roles.
It is nearly three hours, i.e. loooots of screen time.
Now, whatâs fun for an actor isnât always âfunâ for audiences. Delving deep into the psyche of a character is often why thespians got into their craft. But viewers usually just wanna chill the fuck out after a hard day of mashing keys in home row. So before you think, ooh! I loved that zany Emma Watson movie where she told the men in her life theyâre a bunch of dummies for two and a half hours, and sheâs in this one too from the same director?? Maaaaaybe read this thematic descriptor from the IndieWire reviewâŚ
âAlways interesting, seldom enjoyable, and somehow both smothered and excessive at the same time (and at all times), this nearly three-hour bonfire of Searchlight Picturesâ annual budget is a towering monument to human love that betrays almost zero interest in actually being likedâŚ.
âŚAnd yet, I hesitate to think that âKinds of Kindnessâ is quite as spiteful as it seems. Lanthimos isnât giving the finger to his fans just because heâs aggressively forsaking his own need for acceptance. For one thing, that hostility is part of the reason why so many people liked his work in the first place. For another, âKinds of Kindnessâ would have failed to embody the courage of its convictions if not for its willingness to risk alienating those in its wheelhouse â to push them to the outer limits of their displeasure, only to realize that the relentless inertia of Lanthimosâ longest movie is an expression of his love for anyone willing to sit through it. After all, what relationship is more codependent, or more abidingly beautiful, than that between an artist and their audience?â
In essence, the movieâs unforgiving nature is thematically linked to itâs overarching story. And unforgiving can be rewarding, if youâre ready for it. So maybe go in thinking like an actor. That it might be hard and it might take some work, but the results might all be worth it.
Btw, if youâre wondering how this is coming out so soon after Poor Things, which just released in December, itâs because it was shot during that movieâs post-production process. Cheeky.
Out: Friday
Where: Limited Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 44 mins | R | đ : 79%
Thelma
June Squibb is a shining fucking cinematic gem. Even before I really knew who she was, I remembered her in About Schmidt - thereâs a scene where Jack Nicholsonâs character is complaining about his wife (Squibb) taking her keys out of her purse âtoo earlyâ on their walk back to the car. I think about it nearly every time I bring out my keys and question whether it is in fact, too early. And then thereâs her turn in Nebraska where I became a full on Squibb devotee. I mean, I just lost my shit in the first five seconds of watching this scene that I was going to share to denote her greatness. I then proceeded to shed literal tears while finishing it.
So itâs kinda wild that at 94(!), Thelma is her first leading role. And in a result befitting such an excellent screen presence, the movie is apparently nearly as delightful as she is, with a 99% on Rotten Tomatoes. Obviously thatâs in large part due to the movieâs centering on Squibb and her (mis-?) adventures as she tries to recoup 10 Gâs stolen by a shady fraudster who manipulated her over the phone. But the critics are also quick to point out that the movieâs overall tone - one of uplifting somewhat-parody but also humanistic touches vs punching down âold people" jokes - and her rapport with Richard âShaftâ Roundtree (who just died last October, making this his last role đ˘) should make you feel as warm and fuzzy inside as when your grandma tells you she loves you.
Even better then that (first time) director Josh Margolin based the story, and the character of Thelma, on his own 101 year old grandmother. Gawwwww. đĽ°
Out: Friday
Where: Limited Theaters
Details: 1 hr 37 mins | PG-13 | đ : 99%
TRAILERS! âŻ
The Instigators - itâs as if Matt Damon and Casey Affleck decided to remake Ben Affleckâs The Town, but like, as an action comedy?? đ¤ˇââď¸
Widow Clicquot - the story of the woman who helped build the champagne brand into the fancy pants stuff it is today. Looks kinda great, reviews say thatâs a fair assessment!
Smile 2 - more creepy turned up lips.
A Real Pain - I saw this one via a friendâs Sundance pass and you could almost say itâs a crowd-pleasing movie about a trip to Poland that includes a visit to Auschiwitz. I know, that sounds impossible, but director / writer / star Jesse Eisenberg splits the difference very well in telling a based-on-his-life story about cousins traveling to honor their grandmother. Both leads are great, but Kieran Culkin is a beast (in the best way possible).
Strange Darling - bunch of commentary how the less you know the better for this chase movie / thriller thatâs getting great reviews after premiering at Fantastic Fest.
Starve Acre - the star of Saint Maud is in another creeper, along with House of the Dragon / Dr. Who star Matt Smith where the countryside in which they inhabit turns from bucolic to batshit. Also very good reviews!
Although hell, how could you tell, they are actors after allâŚ