What's better than a knock knock joke?
Two, of course.
“Stand by for justice!”
Remember the multiple times I’ve mentioned subtitles and how they’re use is on the rise? Especially amongst younger viewers? It’s ok if you don’t, but you’re probably familiar with having to ask your viewing mate, what the hell did they just say?? Well Vox just produced a nice 10 minute ‘splainer video which kind of gives us an answer as to why. Well, multiple answers actually.
I’m posting it below, but the gist of it is that mics have actually gotten better, which has in part, made audio worse (confusing, I know), the devices we’re watching on have shittier speakers (iPhones are cool, but their sound still blows) and “other stuff” in media has gotten louder overall (think: explosions, other atmospheric elements). Anyway, if it’s something you’re interested, or frustrated by, have a watch!1
Also, I started posting editions of WIT+ on LinkedIn, in part to increase the audience, but also because I kinda feel like LinkedIn could use something other than the millionth “laid off recently? Let me know if I can help!” post (you know how you can help Frank? By not shoving the fact you have a job in my unemployed face! Fucking Frank…). Anyway, I wrote the below. You might’ve read it already, but if not, it’s a short post on why I feel like I write this darn thing. Here it is…
I've been writing my newsletter, What's In Theaters +, every Wednesday - yes, including during "the bullshit" - for over five years. That's... *says random numbers in head* a crap ton of newsletters.
I don't have millions of readers, or even thousands. But I enjoy it. I think a few other people do too. People ask me, and I sometimes ask myself (but not often enough), why I write it , and why so consistently. I'm honestly not sure, but I can say writing every week is a challenge, and sometimes a big one - how do you keep fresh the umpteenth horror movie overview?
But pretty much after every edition has been published, I re-read what I just spent an entire day writing and think, yeah, I like this. Sometimes I even laugh at the jokes I literally wrote five minutes ago (you have problems!). Obviously I want other people to like what I write as it makes the effort even more worthwhile and was originally the point - to give people an easy way to know what new movies are out each week in a fun, spoiler free arena. But I've come to realize that even if I'm the only one who's enjoying it, I'm kind of ok with that? I think it's in part why I've sustained for so long. I'm my first audience. Plus, I know "every" movie that's coming out and can talk about them all at parties (and then tell people about my newsletter 😅).
And while I didn't start out writing this as a "motivational piece," I guess in some senses it is in that it's helpful to know that if you're looking to create something, I guess it helps when you like what you're creating?? 🤷♂️
Anyway, that's it. That's the post.
Extra Credit Movie(s):
True Spirit - a YA telling version of Jessica Watson, the (at the time) 16 year old who set off to circumnavigate the globe solo and unassissted. No reviews, but doesn’t seem like the worst follow your dream movie to show some young kids (hell, us adults could use that advice too). Streaming on Netflix this Friday.
Pamela, A Love Story - a documentary on Pamela Anderson, which is even more relevant after the release of the Hulu series Pam & Tommy, that followed her most infamous life event (the sex tape, duh). The reviews are kinda excellent, saying it humanizes her, but does say it’s a bit soft feeling, since Anderson authorized it. Streaming on Netflix NOW.
Baby Ruby - a newborn (to new parents Kit Harrington from GoT and Noémie Merlant from Portrait of a Lady on Fire) becomes the stuff of horror movies, literally. The reviews say it’s hard and painful in exactly the ways it should be. Playing in Limited Theaters and available on VOD (I think) this Friday.
The urge to post a knock knock joke is strong with this one, and yet, resist I will. It’s not that I…
*knock knock*
…..?
Hey! It’s M. Night!
…..???
M. Night who?? Shyamalan my brosef! Come on, you know me, I’m the guy who blew your mind with The Sixth Sense!
(editor’s note: ummmm, sorry y’all, he kinda just showed up… 😬)
……..
Ok fine, you’re right. That was nearly a quarter century ago2, and suuuure I really pissed some of you off with one of - !!!!!!! - ok, ok, a few of my movies, but I made some good ones recently too! Did you see Split?! That shit was a legit hit! And I completed the trilogy with Glass. You’re welcome! My last one was Old and beyond having a super cool title in how stripped down yet evocative of the plot and themes of the movie, it was me entering what I consider my Thoughtful Period. Ya know, trying to get away from the whole twist heavy thing and just like make a movie about really compelling….
…….?!?!?
Oh, right, what the hell am I doing at your door... Valid question! Can I come in by the way? *walks in before being formerly invited* Let me just say I’m certainly not asking you to kill one of your loved ones like Dave Bautista and crew do to an unsuspecting couple and their daughter in the middle of nowhere in my newest movie Knock at the Cabin. *nervous laughter* 😅 Did I mention it comes out in theaters nationwide this Friday? And btw, *looks around at no one and whispers* I hear it’s going to knock ol’ Jimmy out of the top spot, hehehehe.
……
Right, you’re busy. I get it. I’m busy too! I produce a TV show, and actually the new season just launched… Never mind that. Actually, what I was hoping to talk to you about, before I got all overexcited about Knock at the Cabin... oh! Dude! The reviews are actually pretty good! For me at least... I guess they really liked the more straight-forward Shyamalan - less twists, more thought provoking. I get it. I have made divisive movies, but hey, it keeps people talking! I’m not ashamed to admit that some of the love might be in part due to the fact I based the movie on a novel that, while also somewhat controversial, was pretty popular. I mean, how interesting of an idea is it to ponder four strangers bursting into your home not to kill you, but to have you kill each other - all in order to save the wooooorld. Doesn’t that sound freakin’ awesome?! Plus, I made it super vibey and claustrophobic feeling. Almost like a horror movie turned into a psychological thriller.
But here I go getting side-tracked again. I’m sure you have some cool newsletter that tells you about movies. What I’m actually here to talk about it is… *springs open an oversized pamphlet* my new line of vacuums!! I read the good reviews, but also the bad. And I’ve read “M. Night Shyamalan sucks” enough times that I figured, why not turn a negative into a positive?!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
See! I just knew you would be intrigued. I have an eye for that sorta thing, almost as good as I do for unsettling tension in a movie scene. Amma right?!?
*gets shoved out the door*
But wait! I thought we were vibing my dude! Come ooon. *goes to window and says in a half-whimper* I’ll tell you the ending to my next movie. It’s a hell of a twist…
END SCENE
Ok, so I failed at the knock knock bit. So what! I keep reading online that to really grow you have to fail. So come on growth, let’s be havin’ it.
Disclosure: I don’t know M. Night and don’t have any ill will towards him, I just needed a device to tell you about his movie. A smarmy version of him just so happens to have become that device. 🤷♂️
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 40 mins | R | 🍅: 73%
I know there’s a trailer for this movie and like sure, watch it. You’ll get the (based on a true) story - in 2017 four friends, each around 80, decide to road trip it to watch their beloved Tom Brady in what may be his last Super Bowl (it wasn’t) - and you’ll see some of the mishaps, jokes and hijinks as well as a smiling Brady (who produced the movie). But honestly, watching the entire cast together on a talk show is a way better sell - you have Rita Moreno, at 91, talking about getting turned on and having trouble not touching herself while in the locker room with a bunch of professional football players (yes, really!), Sally Field admonishing Moreno for being so sexually outspoken and basically keeping all the others in check, add in Jane Fonda, who you knew was a force, but you’re still in awe when stories are swapped about the things she makes happen through sheer will of personality and then there’s Lily Tomlin, mostly demurring, telling a hundred jokes in her head without saying a word.
It just makes you want to hang out with these four legends of Hollywood and sit back and watch, which is basically what this movie is. You’re the non-participating fifth wheel on their elevated hang sesh, where they talk about Rob Gronkowski erotica (Gronkotica?), strap ons and get so high Guy Fieri starts to appear everywhere. Of course much of it is playing with their ages, partly making their elderly state the function of jokes, but as far as I can tell, not the butt of them. Which is great, because again, seeing the four of them spar and enjoy each other’s company is actual proof that as the movie marketing is sure to shove down your throat, age is just a number in some respects (but not all). And obviously this isn’t going to be a “peak thespian” moment for any of them, but just imagining the kind of fun they (hopefully) had behind the scenes, makes the scenes themselves look oh so much more fun. Plus, the reviews? Not that bad!
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 38 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 70%
Adam Sandler probably should’ve guest appeared on Friends. Just sayin’.
Murder Mystery 2. It’s the second, so let’s put it first.
The Boogeyman. Yeah, there’s definitely something under the bed.
We Have a Ghost. If the ghost looks like Hopper from Stranger Things, that’s cuz it is.
Moving On. More Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda? Gimme.
Big George Foreman: The Miraculous Story of the Once and Future Heavyweight Champion of the World. Yes, that is the actual title.
how do they not have subtitles on by default in this though?!
a quarter of a CENTURY