What's in a name?
In This Week's Edition: a hunger off between Furiosa and Garfield
THE QUOTE đŹ đŹ
âEjecto seato cuz!â
hint: the best use of numbers in a movie title ever?
THINK THOUGHTS đ
Remember when I said Iâd be back with some super fascinating new thoughts this week? Well, I lied. Ok, I didnât lie exactly, more just had a change of plans. Next week though, promise!*1
NEWSY BITS đž
Comcast reveals price of StreamSaver bundle with Peacock, Netflix, Apple TV+: I guess cable juggernaut Comcast is just doing what it knows how to do best. Which is certainly not naming stuff⌠then again, who needs sexy when you got deals for daaaays. - Axios
Criterion and Janus Films Have a New Owner: Indian Paintbrush Founder Steven Rales: the mission will apparently stay the same. Criterion is a publisher of home video releases focusing on "important classic and contemporary films,â while Janus is a theatrical distributor and âsisterâ company to Criterion. - Variety
Scarlett Johansson says a ChatGPT voice is âeerily similarâ to hers and OpenAI is halting its use: apparently OpenAI did contact Johansson about potentially using her voice, but she declined. The whole situation has caused a bit of a hullaballoo, but after Johanssonâs statement The Washington Post was sent documents that show an actor was hired months before they asked Johansson. Oy! - The AP
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) đ
Songs of Earth - gather a quiet two minutes, the biggest screen you can find and click the title to watch the trailer. I can almost guarantee youâll feel less stressed after. The reviews say the 90 minute version (i.e. the movie) is even better. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
Atlas - JLo partners up with an AI to fight⌠an AI. Which really means itâs JLo + AI vs AI, which means they shouldâve just titled it Jloaivsai. Then we wouldâve payed less attention, because when we watch these kinds of movies we get dumber while the AI has time to get smarter. Iâm kiddinggggg! But it sure doesnât look like a thinker, thatâs for sure. No reviews yet because this is a Netflix release. Streaming on Netflix Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASES đ & đş
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga
ARE YOU READY FOR MORE BONE BASHING, SKIN RIPPING, SAND SPITTINâ CHASE SCENES FROM THE WASTELAND, BECAUSE DIRECTOR GEORGE MILLER IS BACK WITH ANOTHERâŚ
Ahem, excuse me. Sorry about that, I just finished watching the mad intense trailers for this one and got a lilâ caught up. Can you blame me? Solid chance you saw Mad Max: Fury Road when it came out 9 years ago and melted peopleâs faces off, so you know that Miller doesnât mess around. Dudeâs approaching 80 and still out in the desert making monster trucks launch off sand dunes as if heâs an 7 year old playing with Hot Wheels at the beach.
But his enthusiasm for the world he started over 40 years ago continues to propel the series forward, well, technically backward in this case because this is a sequel-prequel which tells the origin story of Imperator Furiosa, originally played by Charlize Theron in Fury Road and now taken over by Anya Taylor-Jor from Queenâs Gambit (as well as Alyla Browne in her younger years).
Here youâll come to understand why sheâs so damn mad. And this woman is piiiiiisssssed. Rightfully so. She was snatched from her childhood home of wetness and abundance and tossed into a world of dryness and scarcity.
And while itâs somewhat hard to discern through all the makeup - and his attention grabbing, ahem, groin area adornments - Chris Hemsworth, in all his bountiful scene chewing villainy, is to blame.
You may think this entry a bit superfluous considering Fury Road did the damn thing and did it so damn well, thus itâs hard to imagine it being topped. Which is an entirely fair thought, because by most accounts, it probably isnât here, but that doesnât mean itâs any less entertaining. Just maybe that weâve come to understand the power of the Wasteland at its maximalist ends.
But hey, I guess once you reach the finish line, all you can do is keep going.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 28 mins | R | đ : 88%
The Garfield Movie
Christ Pratt is becoming the Samuel L. Jackson of voice acting. Ya know, in that heâs in literally everything. Which is funny, because guess who plays Garfieldâs dad in this movie? Indeed, it is Boris Becker, the tennis great.
Jk. Itâs Samuel L. Jackson.
Honestly, itâs a bit of a surprise OpenAI tried to get Scarlett Johansson (see Newsy Bits above) to be their voice when they probably couldâve just asked Pratt:
âhey, wanna be the voice of one of (possibly) the most important technological advancements in human history?â
*skeptically* âHmmm, how much?â
âUmm, 20âŚ?â
ââŚdollars?! fuck yeah. Toss in a pack of HoHos and you got yourself a deal my friends!â
*under their breadth* âwe were thinking million, buuuuutâ *much louder now* âthat works!â
I mean Jesus, at this point I wouldnât be surprised if it was discovered heâs secretly been doing voiceover work for local law firms in Bumblefuck, Nebraska, which, btw is just 10 miles east of WhoIntheHellLivesHereandWhy, Nebraska2. âHave you been in a a serious accidentâŚâ
I kid, cuz I love the guy. And I honestly donât begrudge the studios and filmmakers that cast him. Heâs very good at what he does and people love him for it. Whereâs the downside?
Well, in this case it might be the actual movie. But thatâs if your a discerning adult looking for âcinema.â Otherwise, this looks like a better version of the original live-action / CGI hybrid movies that came out in the early aughts (itâs aughts, right? or have we not decided yet?) where Garfield was voiced by Bill Murray.
Is that saying much at all? Not really, but I guess itâs something? Even if that something is probably not the Garfield you remember from the Sunday comics (or even the Saturday morning cartoons).
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 41 mins | PG | đ : 43%
TRAILERS! âŻ
Longlegs - if youâve been reading, you know Iâve been stoked on this horror flick starring Maika Monroe (from It Follows) and (the yet to appear) Nic Cage on account of itâs non-traditional âtrailersâ which were just (awesomely) weird and creepy vignettes that have built tension towards this, the full trailer. I feel like even with the traditional format it still looks fun. well, âfun.â Et tu?
It Ends With Us - hate to simplify it too much, but itâs a domestic abuse (romance?) movie starring Blake Lively based on the book of the same name. Fwiw, does a pretty good job of pulling you in with a âthis is every other romantic dramaâ thing and then ohp! def not that.
Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1 - second trailer for the first of Kevin Costnerâs proposed four part movie series on western migration amidst the American Civil War. The biggest news out of Cannes (where it just screened) is how much of his own money he spent ($38 million!). The reviews? Well, heâd probably rather leave those in France.
Never Let Go - Halle Berry in a
Trigger Warning - Jessica Alba is back to whoop some ass.
National Anthem - a bit hard to describe, but follows young man who becomes involved in a rodeo inhabited by identity and sexuality exploring folks. And it has adoring fans (read: critics) so far.
My Penguin Friend - just a sappy and happy little movie about an adorable penguin. You try not getting a little misty eyed. Even better, itâs based on a true story.
hopefully!
jk Nebraska, youâre just too easy to mess with