What's Your Go To Holiday Classic?
The weirder the better.
In This Week’s Edition: did I say deluge? More like an onslaught of new movies. But lucky for us, this week they’re (almost) all getting good (or even great) reviews.
Movie Quote of the Week 🎬 💬
hint: this will be the first of two movies I mention to star the co-owner of Wrexham A.F.C.
THINK THOUGHTS 💭
What movies are “holiday classics”?
I’m sure the question might conjure images of It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, Home Alone, How the Grinch Stole Christmas or even Die Hard.
And if I narrow the query to what’s a modern holiday classic? You’d probably home in on say Elf or Love, Actually… aaaaand before you were able to finish I would butt in to make sure Just Friends was included. 😅 But as this New York Times article points out, both of those first two came out in 2003 (Just Friends in 2005). Two decades ago. That feels way more like modern-ish.
The piece goes on to talk about how in this these actually modern times, it’s becoming harder if not impossible to put out a movie that’ll have some sort of consensus and resonance as to build its holiday bonafides. And it’s in large part because there are just too many movies and not enough of the holiday kind are going to theaters - the great equalizer apparently.
Which relates to another news story that I saw this week, which was that Bob Iger, CEO of Disney, said the company had actually been doing just that - producing too many movies, “I think when it comes to creativity, quality is critical, of course, and quantity in many ways can destroy quality.”
I mean, try telling that to the heads of Lifetime and the Hallmark Channel.
No, seriously Bob, can you tell them? Please? They make dozens of holiday movies each year and yet they are all the same movie. It’s absolute fucking madness. Wait, you own part of Lifetime? Son-of-a!
The other factor in all this is streaming of course. As it’s far easier (and much cheaper) to slot a movie onto a digital queue than it is to book it in 3,000+ theaters.
So is that it? Are we never going to get another holiday classic as we know them and we’re to be inundated by articles every few years bemoaning the fact we’re all still watching Hugh Grant slide across a freshly waxed floor gyrating his tushy because nothing new has come along?
I don’t know about all that. I do understand the situation and agree things are different than they used to be. But in many ways, they’re the same as they’ve always been. Sure, Elf and Love, Actually made some money at the box office, but they became classics at home. It just took some time (a fact the article does note fwiw).
But it’s also that there’s almost this insistence that everybody agrees on the same thing. That there must be a Holiday Classics stone tossed down by Mariah Carey from Mount Hi-Bye (I bet she’d loooove Just Friends) that forever dictates what we all watch during the month of December.
But I think similar to the rest of media, people may, more and more, create their own micro holiday classics. Movies that they and their families enjoy and maybe others don’t. Problem is, we may not be able to see that data. Because we used to literally see it on account of “The” movies playing on cable over and over.
And who knows, maybe our next modern holiday classic is actually already out there, gestating in it’s streaming cocoon, waiting to grow its peppermint wings so it can fly high into our cultural sky.
Or maybe I’ll be writing about all this again in five years, bemoaning the bemoaning.
Either way, I’m gonna go watch some Just Friends1.
Question Time: What’s your holiday go to? Is it something mentioned above or completely different? I wanna know!
NEWSY BITS 👾
James Cameron Says ‘Avatar 3’ Will Be Released Christmas 2025 (Full Article): talk about a holiday classic… here I am again with production updates, but I’m just sharing to publicly log if it’s actually going to be less than another 13 years between Avatar movies. - Deadline
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Family Switch - It’s a body swap movie, but for the whole family. Literally. Mom <> daughter, father <> son, even baby <> dog. I said it when the trailer came out, but it’s a straight mashup of other Jennifer Garner movies - as if 13 going on 30 got melded with Yes, Day and / or Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It also stars Ed Helms btw. No reviews yet, but that’s par for the Netflix course at this point. Streaming Friday on Netflix
NOTABLE NEW RELEASES 🎟 & 📺
Beyoncé doesn’t really do interviews anymore. But she does do entire movies. Sorry, she does entire films (see: title).
This tight control around her, I guess you could call it narrative, does at least two things: it allows her not to be misinterpreted and succumb to the modern headline cycle - because you can’t interpret what isn’t there - and it also elevates her culturally by keeping her “above” what most modern celebrities do, which is often expose their entire selfs via social or a silly GQ YouTube video (this is not a critique, in fact, I think there’s lots of good that comes from this, but that’s for another discussion).
It’s almost akin to old style celebrities where they became the ideal you wanted them to be in your head, because there was little actual information to muck it all up.
But to become something great in someone’s mind you still need to be good at what you do. And Beyoncé is very good at what she does. In fact, after seeing her recent Renaissance tour in Los Angeles, the LA Times declared that “she is simply the best live performer working today.”
But it’s this impressive output that only makes people crave more of what they don’t know. And while Renaissance the movie isn’t going to go full Oprah, it will give people more than the recent Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour movie. Because while it’s very much a concert film, you’re also going to get a (tightly structured of course) look into what goes into making a massive tour like this. Which is mostly, a lot of Beyoncé.
What could be better? 🐝
Note on reviews - they weren’t populated on Rotten Tomatoes yet when I published (hence no score below), but there were a bunch online already and they say the movie is fantastic if you’re a fan and pretty much exactly what you want it to be.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 48 mins | N/R | 🍅: TBD
You’d imagine a movie based on an actual situation where a teacher became pregnant via sexual assault of a middle schooler, who then went on to marry him and have even more of his children might end up producing an uncomfortable cinematic experience. And you’re imagination would probably be right.
“We watch, increasingly uncomfortable, but can’t look away.“ - from the Seattle Times review of May December
But would you figure it’d also produce a film that’s being lauded as one of the watches of the year? Cuz it did.
“It's Haynes' most accessible work of his career, and it's one of the year's best movies. It's a knockout in May, December, or anytime in between.“ - from the Detroit News review of May December
It certainly helps that the film was directed by Todd Haynes (Carol, Far From Heaven) and stars his, if not muse, probably favorite actor, Julianne Moore, playing the older woman who is responsible for instigating this tabloid-rich relationship.
But wait, there’s more! It also stars Natalie Portman who plays the woman playing the woman. Confused? I’ll explain.
Moore and the boy turned husband / father (portrayed by Charles Melton from Riverdale getting his first big critical acclaim) are a seemingly happy couple holed up in Georgia. In comes Portman doing research for an acting role based on Moore. To make sure she “tells the real story,” Moore invites her to spend time with them. Bad idea.
Portman’s character sets off a series of bombs and questions of the lives they’ve built, especially for Melton’s character Joe, like, how does it affect a child to have his childhood “stolen?” Can he understand it now that he’s an adult, with children of his own? The whole situation produces not just drama, but melodrama, as critics have noted how Haynes plays with tone to convey various meaning, some of which might be reflected back on the audience and our interest in these types of scenarios.
“All this would be rich dramatic fodder even if it were played perfectly straight. But Haynes, one of the most inventive stylists working in American movies, is incapable of being completely straightforward, and here he walks a tricky tonal line between melodrama, realism and camp.“ - from the NPR review of May December
So maybe come for the salaciousness, but stay for the insight into humanity.
Out: Friday
Where: Netflix
1 hr 53 mins | R | 🍅: 93%
I’m not saying Eddie Murphy is insane for making Candy Cane Lane. But I am saying I’m a little surprised he got back on this train. Because after all, he’s been here before and all it did was cause him pain2. Oh no, not the Christmas movie, but these syrupy family movies that just make critics (and plenty of viewers) complain. Especially after Murphy’s mini-renaissance and Beverly Hills Cop 4 on the way this just feels a little unfortunate, know what I’m sayin’?
But without reviews I can’t tell you if this is gonna be a holiday delight or bowl of reindeer poo you’ll wanna toss down the drain. And still, even at his worst, he’s still Eddie Murphy and thus definitely the character main. So who knows, even after all the doubt I’m putting out there, it’s still possible you’ll watch this movie come each Xmas, agaāin and agāin.
See Amazon, I can rhyme too. Na na na boo boo.
(yes, I am a aware I am a child)
Out: Friday
Where: Amazon Prime
1 hr 48 mins | PG | 🍅: TBD
Let’s get some logistics out of the way. The Japanese company Toho, which owns the rights to Godzilla, has in more recent years “lent” the character to Hollywood studios - hence the whole “Monsterverse” with Godzilla & King Kong, currently showing itself in the new Apple TV+ show, Monarch: Legacy of Monsters. But the agreements don’t preclude Toho from making their own Godzilla movies, thus we have the Japanese production, Godzilla Minus One.
Tl;DR this is not the same Godzilla you’ve seen recently.
In fact, this is essentially a reimagining of the original 1954 Godzilla movie and thus the archetype - the one where instead of just being a dumb smashy-smash creature, he represents Japan’s collective grief and complicated feelings about the end of WW II. More specifically, Godzilla symbolizes fears around nuclear weapons (The Zilla was literally created by nukes) on account of the devastation caused by the United States. Yeah, deep stuff for a “monster movie” eh?
Which is why I used people as the hero shot instead of the big buy. Because when done best (or at least most interestingly?), Godzilla isn’t a creature, but an idea sitting in the minds of humans where it ultimately isn’t about the destruction, but about the humans affected by it. But you can’t watch ideas smash buildings and toss warships, so we get a creature which can shoot laser beams from it’s mouth (which is still always cool if I’m being honest).
Oh, and what’s with all that math in the title? Well, it denotes how after WW II, Japan had been brought back to basically zero and the destruction wrought by Godzilla takes them even further back. Into the negative.
Like I said, deep stuff. 🦖 ➖ 1️⃣
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 5 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 100%
I love it when a movie’s premise is incredibly straightforward. It makes my job (editor’s note: *ahem* job?) easier and makes your decision process uncomplicated.
Because when you read - a brutal John Woo (director of Face / Off) revenge movie about a guy (Joel Kinnaman) that loses his voice (“Silent” Night, get it?) and son in the same gang crossfire incident, but gains some ass-kicking skillz on par with John Wick - you’re kinda already in or you’re out. It’s about as simple a choice as to whether you’re a fan of Malört or not - ya know, the infamous Chicago liquor that John Hodgman says “tastes like pencil shavings and heartbreak.“
The only real question I have about the movie is, will we get doves?
🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 43 mins | R | 🍅: 72%
TRAILERS! ⏯ “Death shall come…”
The Book of Clarence - Death shall come… via the Romans unless you give up Jesus after pretending to be anther Jesus, before realized Jesus is actually Jesus.
Society of the Snow - Death shall come… unless you figure out a way to survive the famous 1972 plane crash in the Andes mountains.
Night Swim - Death shall come… from some cursed pool demon creature(s) if you get in the pool. So maybe like, don’t swimming?
ok, and Elf. My partner / gf has never seen it. I know, right?
that’s not true, he also got super super rich
Elf/add your mother and father to the list of people who haven’t seen it