You're out of touch.
And that's ok, because no one is anymore
In This Week’s Edition: the other side of Elvis, the human spirit showing off again (such a braggart that human spirit) and some perfect weeknight candy
Movie Quote of the Week 🎬 💬
“I told you kids, stay outta my butt!”
hint: this is actually from a kids movie
Whelp, an update that Five Nights at Freddy’s did indeed end up making the amount of money I lovingly described as “a fuck-ton”. And now we can formally define that oh so vulgar moniker with a number - $80 million. Which, yeah, is a “fuck-ton.” Especially when you consider the movie was made for a *pinky up* paltry $20 million (for some context, Barbie reportedly cost roughly $200 million).
But even though lots of people knew it was coming, The New York Times still published an article calling the movie a “surprise” hit. To which a chap on X / Twitter I follow replied…
First off, yes, I still use the cesspool that is X / Twitter and I don’t need your judgement, ok? But second, Mr. Brahe is right, I’m sure plenty of parents were not surprised in the slightest. Because as I noted last week, their kids are this movie’s audience and if you’re not a kid, or don’t have one in a certain range, you might genuinely be a bit shocked to hear of the movie *ahem* killing it at the box office.
But to call it a surprise writ large? I dunno man, that almost makes you seem even more out of touch. Or at least super self-centered. Just admit it’s not something you were paying attention to. It’s not as if you expect to hop on YouTube and know every single video that received millions of views, right? But when it’s a movie that becomes a hit and a certain segment wasn’t aware, it’s as if a genie farted and some Hollywood execs made millions. 🧞💨💰🤑
I think it’s in part because movie theaters used to be a common center for people, whereas it looks like it’s increasingly a place where already established niches have their moment. I don’t think it’ll go that way completely mind you, you’ll still have your Top Guns and your Barbies, but you already have a ton of examples in the religious and anime circles. Hell, I don’t even mention films from those arenas very often in this newsletter, one because sometimes I’m protesting in the tiniest of ways, but more often, I’m just not even bothering because it’s kinda the definition of IYKYK1 and IYDDB2.
I don’t think Freddy’s is quite the same as those two niches, it’s honestly a bit more like the Fifty Shades of Grey situation - a die hard audience built up around word of mouth in a different medium. It’s just that instead of “older” women getting heated by (poorly portrayed) BDSM, you got a bunch of 13-24 year olds having part of their childhood realized on film.
And to be clear, it was almost entirely kids who saw the movie - 80% of Freddy’s audience was purportedly in that 13-24 age range. Which is wild to get that many kids to do anything at the same time, let alone something that’s not online and even in a physical theater.
Another crazy wrinkle is that the movie was also available on Peacock the same day it released in theaters (but you knew that). And sure, no one in their right mind subscribes to Peacock (juuuust kidding NBCUniversal friends), but still, they could’ve done a 7 day free trial and cancelled. But instead they wanted to go to the theaters. I’m sure in part because it’s fun to be scared with a group of friends (and strangers). It’s a feeling that’s impossible to replicate. And part of the magic of cinemas.
So yeah, movie theaters are always “dying,” but it seems like if the kids have anything to say about it, their death might be pushed back a few years.
What about you? Were you familiar with Freddy’s before last weekend? Lemme know.
NEWSY BITS 👾
Disney Delays ‘Snow White’ and ‘Elio’ a Year, Removes Jonathan Majors’ ‘Magazine Dreams’ From Calendar (Full Article) - the continuing actors strike is showing it’s effects again, even if the talks are apparently becoming increasingly productive. Although the Magazine Dreams move is likely more associated with Majors’ ongoing legal situation over an apparent altercation w/ a gf - The Hollywood Reporter
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
The Marsh King's Daughter - thriller starring Star Wars’ Daisy Ridley where her not so nice father (Ben Mendelsohn) returns to muck up her life, forcing her to use the survivalist skills he taught her. No reviews, but while it doesn’t necessarily look “good,” it might satisfy that revenge / hidden talent itch if you’ve got one to scratch. Playing in (some) Theaters this Friday
What Happens Later - Meg Ryan returns to rom-coms, but this time, directs herself and David Duchovny in a bit of a non-traditional one. In part because it deals with a couple who’ve already had their “shot” and are meeting for the first time in decades in, where else, an airport. There are some reviews, kind of splitting the middle so far, but seems if you were curious, it might be worth a perusal. Playing in (most) Theaters this Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASES 🎟 & 📺
If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you know you’re partner is a different person from date two, to month two, to year two or hell, if you make it that long, decade two. They’re not actually different of course, it’s just that you’ve come to know them better. That is to say, expectations and illusions fade into actuality. Sometimes that’s for the better and sometimes well, you know…
However, it’s not often the person you’re partnered with is the most famous performer on the planet. In fact, that almost never happens. But it was the case for a 14 year old (!!) Priscilla Beaulieu (played by Cailee Spaeny who is getting lots of Oscar talk) when she started her entanglement with a certain man named Elvis, in Germany where they were both stationed on account of the military (well, where Priscilla’s father was stationed in her case). So you can imagine the absolute mindfuck that might occur when you start a courtship with what can only be described as a pure figment of imagination who, of course, is a not that ethereal image, but a living, breathing, pooping human being. 💩
So begins the story of Priscilla Beaulieu turning into Priscilla Presley as told by the queen of broken illusions, director Sophia Coppola. Coppola has parked her lens in front of other trapped women, Marie Antoinette in, uh, Marie Antoinette, the Lisbon sisters in The Virgin Suicides as well as Scarlett Johansson portraying a semi-proxy for Coppola herself in Lost in Translation. Her films have a way of being beautiful and tragic at the same time. But the pure power dynamics at play here are pretty incomparable. Because not only was there a ten year age gap, there was the Elvis machine that surrounded Priscilla the individual but also the relationship she and the hip-swinger were trying to build.
If girlhood is a dream, Priscilla is a film about fighting to not wake up for as long as possible, despite the increasing intrusions of uglier realities. - from the Vulture review of Priscilla
But the story is Priscilla’s, told from her perspective and based on her 1985 memoir. Which reviews say allows for a grounding of both the young woman quite literally plucked from obscurity and a figure that has become so mythologized, he’s no longer a man, but a mirage in most people’s minds. Almost the exact opposite of the flashiness of last year’s Elvis. Because in the moments Elvis (played by Euphoria’s Jacob Elordi) dips in and out of her life, you may come to empathize with two people who, at least in the film, look to genuinely appreciate each other. That doesn’t mean you will necessarily condone some of the behavior, especially that of the singer, but from what critics are saying (nearly all of which is positive) you may start to understand why Priscilla left yet stayed close with the only man she married.
I guess because once you understand reality, then at least you get to choose how you want to deal with it.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 53 mins | R | 🍅: 93%
Humans are fucking insane. Why? Cuz they be all like, see that super-steep-spiky-snow-covered mountain over there? 🏔️ Uh-huh. Yeah, Imma climb that shit. Why? Because I wanna. You could die. And…?
Humans are also fucking incredible. Why? Cuz they be all like, remember that time I tried to swim 110 miles from Cuba to Florida in the open ocean? Yeah, I remember that time 32 years ago, when you were 28. Right, so I’m gonna do it for real this time. This time?! Yeah, I’m gonna swim the whole damn way, unassisted by fins and without a cage. What about sharks and jellyfish and storms and THE FACT YOU ARE 60. I don’t believe in your silly “constraints.” *hair toss*
Our species’ penchant to take on the previously unthinkable feels like a curse and gift. But not all among us are such risk takers. In fact, on a percentage basis, it’s a pretty small portion. So it makes sense we craft movies around people like Diana Nyad, the first person to swim the entire stretch from the beaches of Havana to the shores of Key West in the manner that she did (see above).
And if we’re talking the notable few, we should also mention wife and husband directing duo E. Chai Vasarhelyi and Jimmy Chin who are uniquely placed to tell Nyad’s story as they have previously shared other feats of amazing (crazy) human activity in Free Solo, The Rescue and Meru, all of which were non-fiction films - this will be their first fiction feature (if still based on a true story).
And I’d of course be remiss to leave out the actors who must make this story not only believable, but compelling. And again. I feel the number of people able to pull this off are far and few between, so it gives me pleasure to say Annette Bening and Jodie Foster took on the task of embodying Nyad and her coach / friend / platonic “soul mate” Bonnie Stoll, respectively. Because both are excellent actors and critics confirm they do a stellar job here, yet again.
But in an art imitating life situation and versa-vice, you’ll learn that while one individual can have a goal, it ultimately takes a team to make it happen.
Out: Friday
Where: Netflix
2 hrs 1 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 87%
You spend time on the internet, so you’ve invariably come across one of those recipe compilations that are all like Ten Tasty Weeknight Recipes When You Just Don’t Feel Like Cooking3 Which, let’s be honest, are total bullshit, because it’s 100% still cooking and it’s 100% still an hour before you’re eating (not including clean up).
And while I’m not sure what you’d title the movie-watching equivalent, maybe something like Ten Enjoyable Movies For a Weekday When You Wanna Watch Something, But Also Not Think Too Hard? But whatever it is, Quiz Lady looks like it’s ripe for inclusion. It has talented and likable leads - Awkwafina and Sandra Oh - wrapped up in a cheeky, but not too hard to follow plot - nursing-home-bound gambler mother absconds with boyfriend after going in debt, forcing polar opposite daughters (playing against type here) to pay it back otherwise they don’t get back a precious pup stolen by debtors; it gets decided (conveniently) the only way to get the needed $80k is to have trivia savant Awkwafina participate in this TV game show.
Toss in a couple cameos from Will Ferrell as the quiz show’s endearing host (who critics say is abnormally understated, in a good way) and Jason Schartzman as the twit nemesis and bam, weeknight tastiness that you can enjoy from your couch (it’s on Hulu).
Now if only I had a simple and delicious recipe you could pair with it…
👨🍳
Out: Friday
Where: Hulu
1 hr 39 mins | R | 🍅: 81%
TRAILERS! ⏯ “Goofy movie season…”
Genie - y’all, we haven’t had a genie movie in a while, have we? But we need a theme... Christmas?! You’re craaaaazy!!! Fuck it, let’s get goofy.
Lisa Frankenstein - a gender swapped 80’s take on the Mary Shelley classic? Fuck it, let’s get goofy.
Family Switch - Jennifer Garner has already starred in a body swap movie and numerous family comedies so combining the two would be almost too on the nose? Fuck it, let’s get goofy.
Wicked Little Letters Killer - a proper British movie where people show their bums and say lots of swear words to piss off the squares? Fuck it, let’s get goofy.
The Killer - David Fincher directs a story about a methodical hit-man who has murdered numerous people, but screws up for once making things go awry, forcing his life into chaos? *whispers* guys, this doesn’t sound very goofy… Stay on brand Thomas! Right. Fuck it, let’s get goofy.4
If You Know You Know
If You Don’t Don’t Bother
def not a goofy movie