It's ok to read this again.
Well, assuming you're still ok with cursing.
THE QUOTE đŹ đŹ
âSpring break. Spring break. Spring break forever!â
hint: add two simple letters and ya got it
THINK THOUGHTS đ
So the weekend after Thanksgiving, as Deadline put it in their article discussing how much money Moana 2 made / will make, âis traditionally a dead zone as audiences, particularly women, get distracted by holiday activities.â
Lol.
I mean, outside of the random misogynistic strays being tossed at âthe womens,â1 the article is noteworthy because it expresses shock at the fact Moana 2 is going to continue making mad amounts of money, after it had - by far - the largest Thanksgiving opening ever.
Moana 2âs âHauÊ»oli lÄkouâ aka good luck continues this weekend as it eyes a $60M second frame. For the post-Thanksgiving first weekend of December, thatâs an absolute mind-blowing record for a No. 1-ranking title, whether holdover or new release. The previous high for this frame was in 2019, when the third weekend of Frozen 2 cleared first place with a third-weekend $35.1M
And this sentiment is expressed after the Moana sequel just made $100 million more than the box office predictors predicted it would make. $100 million!!! Itâs almost as if no one knows what the fuck theyâre talking about.
Itâs all another example of something Iâve pointed out multiple times in the past. The assumption of the pattern. Traditionally the weekend after Thanksgiving has been lighter monetarily at the box office. But thatâs largely, I would argue, because studios are also keeping it lighter with movies people actually want to see.
I guess there are these assumptions and stereotypes about how people (read: especially âthe womensâ) are holiday shopping or something. And maybe it is the case. But wouldnât these distractions apply to Thanksgiving weekend in some form too? Isnât people being busy with family âa distraction?â Isnât exhaustion from travel âa distraction?â And yet, Thanksgiving, like Christmas, is an incredibly lucrative time period for the theatrical box office. I guess life is only a distraction when it fits a narrative? đ
But oh well, Hollywood got something wrong. Whoop-de-do. And this is all taking away from the real story. The story about how Moana is indeed a massive phenomenon. And hey, congrats to the young woman, she deserved it. Because even if she doesnât exist, Iâm sure for some kids out there, she is very real (inside their imaginations).
NEWSY BITS đŸ
'Moana 2' Sails to Record-Busting $225 Office Opening - as we Super Troopers fans like to say, dats alotta dimp. - The Hollywood Reporter
You Can Watch The First 8 Minutes Of Sony's Kraven The Hunter Online - Kraven is another non-MCU Marvel superhero movie. Notable for how entirely not notable this is (none of the major industry outlets even ran a story). I literally used to pitch this exact thing back in the day, but now itâs been done enough no one really cares. And itâs also because something like this is usually done for movies where the marketing team is a bit desperate for a press hit. Although to be honest, I watched it, and Iâm not sure itâs doing the movie any favors⊠- SlashFilm
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) đ
Y2K - itâs like the modern version of the Skynet uprising from the Terminator movies, except instead of building mechanized warriors that go awry, humans just fucked up some dates in our computer code and now our microwaves are trying slice our heads off with their rotating plates . Same same? The reviews say Kyle Mooney (yeah, the dude from SNL) has some fun in his directorial debut, but it might be a bit of a âvibeâ movie in that itâs definitely a bit kooky, but fun if youâre (knocked) down (but get up again). Playing in Theaters Friday
Nightbitch - a stay-at-home mother, who is literally just called âmother,â starts to get a little fur crazy. No, I didnât mean to type âstir,â I said fur because this mother, Amy Adams, starts to turn into a wolf at night. Or does she? Ok, she does, but is it actually happening?? Maybe. The reviews say Adams fully commits, but that the script commits a bit too hard to being on the (wet) nose. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
The Order - white power anti-government gun lovers tangle with the FBI. No, itâs not a documentary on January 6th, but a thriller based on a true story about a group in the 80âs that intended to start a ârace war.â Jude Law and Nicholas Hoult are the two leads battling it out (quite literally), but also stars Tye Sheridan and Journee Smollett The reviews say itâs a really solid thriller with great work from both Law and Hoult and that, depending on your perspective, is a touch scary if you trace it to modern America. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
The Return - youâre 11th grade history teacher is going to be stoooooked for this one. Absolutely stoked. Itâs the story of Odysseus (Ralph Fiennes), the Greek hero responsible for the Trojan horse (and thus condoms?) and famed for his journey back to his wife Penelope (Juliette Binoche). The reviews say⊠your history would be stoked. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
The End - tough time to come out if youâre a musical, which this is, but maybe the fact itâs an off-kilter post-apocalyptic musical starring indie queen Tilda Swinton could help it maybe snag a few Wicked watchees on their 3rd or 4th round? Maybe. The reviews are kind of split, with some appreciating the unique, somewhat off-putting nature, but others just a bit bored by itâs 2 1/2 dive into how humans act (and sing) at the end of humanity. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
Werewolves - more dog(ish) related movies, cool! But Adams should stay away from Frank Grillo and crew who are killing more lycans than Edward Cullen (note: Iâve never actually seen or read any Twilight so have no idea if he slashes any werewolf throats) The reviews donât exist (yet), but itâs a kitschy horror movie, so the audience is already kind of built in. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) đ & đș
Moana 2
UmmmâŠ.. hey dumbass, Moana 2 came out last week!
Indeed it did! And yet, itâs the only movie people are going to be talking about. And since there are no ârealâ wide releases that will be competing against this (or even Wicked or Gladiator II), I figured hey, letâs run it back for the people for the people who actually followed my directions last week.
Out: Now
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 40 mins | PG | đ : 64%
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST âŻ
Snow White - I am shocked, just shocked Disney made a live-action Snow White.
Last Breath - Woody Harrelson and Simu Liu gettinâ wet while they try and save a life.
fwiw theyâre likely just talking about the percentage of women who have historically attended theaters this weekend, but still, it def doesnât read great