It's time to leave Woodsboro... bro
But that droopy mask can stick around for a little while longer.
“All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die.”
Hah!
“The maker of the Funko Pop! collectibles plans to toss millions of dollars' worth of its inventory, after realizing it has more of its pop culture figurines than it can afford to hold on to.”
The above (and below) is an article NPR posted a mere three days after I sent last week’s edition which dove into the popularity of the bug-eyed dolls. While it seems I may have been a bit misguided, or at least ill-timed, in my profile, if you read further it sounds like Funko may have just - like many did during “the bullshit” - gotten overexcited due to some temporary shifts in behavior.
The inventory has filled the company's warehouses to the brim, forcing Funko to rent storage containers to hold the excess product. And now, the product is worth less than it costs to keep on hand…
…The news came as somewhat unexpected to Juli Lennett, vice president and industry advisor for NPD's U.S. toys practice.
"I was a bit surprised because the collectible market is one of the big stories for 2022. Collectibles were up 24%," she told NPR. "That'll include any other types of action figure collectibles as well. But Funko, of course, is the biggest player in that space."…
…The company owes its fast growth to its vast collection of licensing deals with popular franchise properties, like Star Wars and Harry Potter. The company keeps its finger on the pulse of the latest pop culture crazes — be it the meme-friendly "This is fine" dog or, yes, even Cocaine Bear.
Look, I’m sure you are far beyond your limit for this topic, I just thought the coincidence was too funny not to mention. I stand by the overarching assertion that people will put their fandom into something or it’ll be expressed someway. If that something is Funko Pops? Well, you can bet I’ll be sure to tell you if I hear more anymore about it. 😛
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In other *ahem* news, I am trying something where I include a few pertinent stories or articles I’ve come across during my “interneting” that I think you might find interesting. I’ll try not to go overboard and mostly include things where you can glean the gist from the title, with a deeper read tossed in here and there.
NEWSY BITS 👾
New ‘Lord of the Rings’ Movies Set at Warner Bros. [Amazon is piiiiissed - ya know, cuz they spent half a billion on their LOTR based show] - Variety
Netflix now lets TV viewers customize text for subtitles and closed captions [subtitles and cc are only becoming more important and this is yet another example. Also, very cool] - Techcrunch
Heads Up: A Better Movie Seat May Cost You [the usual a-bit-late-to-the-story style of the NYT, but it is a good comprehensive overview of the changes happening within theaters / ticket prices as well as a bit of a “state of things” for cinemas] - The NY Times
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Luther: The Fallen Sun - a self contained cinematic continuation of the well liked British series that helped Idris Elba become the Idris Elba. The reviews are not exceptional, a bit drab in fact. But if you’re a fan, you’re probably stoked regardless. Streaming on Netflix this Friday.
On a consistent quality level, there really isn’t a long running horror franchise that can beat Scream1. I’m not saying it’s “the best” and it definitely hasn’t made the most money, but over the course of it’s 25+ year history, there’s yet to be a total and complete stinker - Scream 3 is the only entry in the franchise with an overall “rotten” score on Rotten Tomatoes (something littering other iconic horror franchises), but it clearly wasn’t bad enough to kill the brand. Plus, critics are historically more brutal to scary movies - especially to the sub-genre that is the slasher - than 80’s horror directors were to promiscuous teens, so to please fans and reviewers is a hell of a feat.
So what is it? Well, when the original Scream came out, the world was firmly entrenched in the era of Freddy, Jason, Leprechaun, Chucky and the proliferation of even cheesier movies from the 80’s. People on screen did stupid shit, but people in front of it didn’t mind because they found it fun and funny to watch silly people die in increasingly ridiculous manners. But then viewers started to get bored and what once was cute (I use this word liberally here) became trite and tiresome. Enter Scream and director Wes Craven, who had actually created one of the franchises that had now become a bit of a joke, and a level of self-awareness that allowed the movie to talk about everything it was going to do, and then do it. The mere acknowledgement and self-referencing (as well as solid execution by a master of suspense) turned the old into something fresh and interesting again.
But walking in as the new kid is easy, you get to shoot your cocky mouth off about how dumb the entrenched ideas of “the olds” are. But if you stick around long enough, eventually you risk turning into them. Happens to the best of us. So how do you keep things interesting with your sixth entry. Uh, do like Taylor does, and move to New York.
It’s something you might’ve expected to happen a long time ago. Because if like, people keep getting murdered in Woodsboro, maybe you should fucking leave Woodsboro. To be fair, Sam (Melissa Barrera), who kind of replaced Neve Campbell’s Sydney Prescott in the lead role did tryyyy to leave in the last Scream. And in one of my sadder segues, speaking of Sydney… I have to say, for the second time in so many weeks, the original star of the series will not be returning. You can read more, but reasoning seems to be she wasn’t being offered what she thought her value was. Fair ‘nuff!
But back to the NYC. Sam and her sister Tara (Jenny Ortega who plays Wednesday in, Wednesday) think they’ve left all that sad, scary stuff behind them, until of course, they haven’t. But this is New York, so imagine everything will be bigger: the number of deaths, the set pieces, the cast (which includes Hayden Panettiere back for the first time after her appearance in the fourth Scream) and of course, the self-awareness. Because the only way to not become the joke, is to get ahead of the joke. Which is something critics say the franchise is still doing just well enough to stay interesting.
But one misstep and watch out, your franchise might get sent to space…
Out: Thursday
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 3 mins | R | 🍅: 80%
Adam Driver fights dinosaurs. Neext!
…….?
You’re right, I did forget something. Adam Driver fights dinosaurs…. with laser guns! Neeeeeext!
…….???
What? That is literally the movie. The only other character is a girl who speaks a different language from Driver so they can barely communicate. Whadya want from me?!
…!?!!?!
Oh!
!!!!!!
That whole “65” title thingy refers to the time period of sixty five million years ago when dinosaurs stalked earth and no, that doesn’t mean this is a time travel movie, Driver is basically just an alien, except one that happens to (conveniently) look exactly like us. I swear, that’s it, that’s all I got for you. Now can we move on??
….@##$!@@#%$%
Dude, don’t yell at me! I’m just the guy with the message!
Neeeexxxxt!2
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 33 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD
Did you know that a synonym for “heartfelt” is “predictable?” …..?! Wait, it isn’t? *feigns shock and surprise* WoooOOOoooow. I mean, based on all the movies that I’ve ever watched that leave my tummy with the warm fuzzies at the end, I definitely would’ve guessed this was the case. *puts hands on hips* *juts chin out* *hikes pants up well past belly button* *realizes he hiked his pants way too far and is instantly extremely uncomfortable, but can’t go back now because he committed to the bit* Hah! Dam-gummit, I guess ya learn something new every day!
But hey, what’s wrong with predictable, right? Isn’t it entirely predictable how your dog is gonna react when you come home whether you’ve been gone forty seconds or a fortnight? And you love that predictability, don’t you? God damn right you do you sappy sack a’ potatoes. (editor’s note: jeeeezzzz, so aggressive)
And when I tell you Champions (come on, even the title is predictable!) stars Woody Harrelson as a guy on his last shot, chance, life, dime or whatever the hell it is, and the only way he can redeem himself is by pouring his whole being into coaching a group of basketball players with intellectual disabilities. Well yeah, you kinda know what to expect.
But I feel you, what you’re most concerned about as soon as you learn Harrelson is in a movie where a central aspect is the game of basketball…. “is he gonna try and dunk?” See, you’re so predictable! But that’s only because you are also lovable and heartfelt. 😘 Sorry though, I can’t answer that question. But I can tell you reviews are saying that while the story is generally amiable and has enough comedic elements to turn the movie into a mostly satisfying watch, it can be a bit cringe at times in how it treats some of the more empathy driven aspects - not all that unsurprising when I tell you the director is Bobby Farrelly, one half the Farrelly Bros directing duo (see: Dumb and Dumber, Something About Mary etc.). Oh, and Kaitlin Olson. They loved Kaitlin Olson, who you know from a bunch of stuff, but largely It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 3 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 61%
I’ve written about each trailer enough you don’t need more from me here. On with it!
Director Justin Simien, who also made the movie and show Dear White People, is a former co-worker of mine from the digital marketing team at Paramount. So I’m biased, but Haunted Mansion is gonna be great.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles finally exorcized of the cinematic tumor that is Michael Bay3 and replaced with the endearing whimsy of Seth Rogen? Thank fucking, well, not god, unless... Seth Rogen is god??4
I mean sure. Does it look like a sitcom? Yes. Is it ridiculously high concept to the point of really quite silly? Abosufreakintutely! Are the leads painfully pretty in a way that kinda lends itself to Barbie and Ken jokes? Uh duh. Will people watch because of as well as in spite of these traits? Yup!
Wow. Woooooow. Wow. Woooow. Woooooooooow. It’s the second trailer for Paint starring Owen Wilson.
Evil Dead has a shot, and trust me, I freaking love Evil Dead movies, but comparing it to other connected franchises is tough because it’s continuity is a bit, well, different. Plus, there are really only four entries so far (yes, soon to be a fifth)
Not really a slight, more just doing a bit, because there honestly isn’t that much to say!
I’m just giving him crap because we were roommates in college… is something I would say if it were true and I needed an out. But it’s not and I don’t. I can still like The Rock and say the above. I’M A COMPLEX HUMAN BEING
I could think of worse options